I get asked pretty often why I’m doing this ride. I give my usual answers “Because I can”, “Because I’ve never done it before”, “Because it’s a beautiful country and I wanted to see more”, etc. These are all accurate but as I’ve had time to look internally there is a deeper reason why I’m doing this ride, it’s more of a fear really, and it is kind of Kevin Spacey’s fault.
—- Spoiler Alert ——-
During my teenage years Spacey was one of my favorite actors. I loved his movies but American Beauty was a particular favorite. In this movie Chris Cooper plays a retired Marine who ends up murdering Spacey’s character. Cooper character terrified me and I have dreaded becoming like him. It isn’t that I fear repressing sexual desires or anything, my fear is having my life defined by one thing.
He is a Marine, everything in his life from his relationship with his son and neighbors to his own emotions revolve around that core fact. No doubt his neighbors refer to him as “the retired marine” when they talk about him. I do jot want to be defined by one thing in my life so often I look for the next big thing. I was in the army, most people know that but i don’t think I’m often described as “that guy that was in the army (at least I don’t think so). I’ve was also VP of student government, a burner, and many other things, but I hope that my friends don’t attach one of these things to me when describing me. It seems so one dimensional and inhuman.
I hope when this ends I am not described as “that guy who rode across the country” for long. I hope my personality and accomplishments amount to more than that. I realize that my fear can drive me to just pursue things in order to overshadow previous accomplishments. That’s something that I am aware of and may struggle with in the future. Right now I am very much enjoying the journey but I know I will have to be aware of myself as I move on this wild ride we call life.
Wandering Oak 