I think we all have days, weekends, weeks, or months that we look back on and realize they were a turning point in our lives. Sometimes good, sometimes bad, but they seem to define how we operate in the future. This past weekend was kind of one of those for me, and even if I come to realize it wasn’t something that defined my future it is certainly one that I won’t forget.
As someone who believes in the ability to love many people and that physical intimacy can work in many relationships I have always been eager to explore that beyond the hypothetical. I’ve had past relationships that existed simultaneously but didn’t actually overlap in my personal life. What I mean is, I’ve dated multiple people at the same time but these people never really knew each other or interacted with each other. I still have not had that happen but this weekend did show me that being intimate with multiple people at the same time can actually multiply the love felt and does not take away from one partner. This weekend also showed that sexual contact does not equal intimacy and that our bodies can be enjoyed and stimulated without it necessarily being sexual.
I guess first I should state that my partner and I have some rules about physical contact. These rules have come from open conversations, respect for each other’s boundaries, and a realistic approach to what we humans really desire and are capable of. I won’t go into the details of our boundaries but they are somewhere between fully open (all sex with anyone you please) and completely physically monogamous (no physical contact with anyone except your partner).
So, this weekend my partner had a close friend of her’s in town (let’s call her Sam). I was lucky enough to spend some time with Sam alone and we really connected. We had a great time talking and hanging out and now we have a growing friendship ourselves. Since we are all so open and communicative it is no surprise that after my genital piercing we went back to the apartment and took some ecstasy (Sam had never used it before). This lead to a four person massage cuddle puddle (another mutual friend was there as well). There was much kissing, nude massaging, talking, and loving among all parties, but that wasn’t just due to the ecstasy. Ecstasy certainly lowers ones inhibitions a little bit but one rarely does something that you would regret, it more lowers the walls just enough to peek over and see if you want to explore something new. It turns out we all enjoyed being physically and emotionally intimate with each other, in fact we continued the nude cuddle fest sober the next day when we were sober and continue to openly communicate about our desires, borders, and boundaries.
After a weekend of intimacy things between my partner and I are stronger than ever. Being able to explore physical contact with other people in front of each other actually has strengthened what we have, has sparked new conversation, and helped reassure each of us that we wouldn’t do anything to compromise our love. It really was practicing for the first time what I’ve discussed in the past. Sex, love, nudity, friendship, and intimacy are often all related but can all be mixed in different combinations based on the time, place, and people involved. There is no reason to limit yourself as long as you are openly communicating with each other and don’t harm. I would rather take some chances and take advantage of each moment instead of deciding to live my life the way I’m told is “proper”.
Wandering Oak 