Dan Savage often says that “There are some things that mother’s have a right NOT to know, but mother’s also have a responsibility to not go searching for things they don’t want to know”. This is one of those posts, so if my mother is reading this it may be time to close the tab to my blog and look at something else, this post just may have too much info. I actually don’t know if my mother reads my posts but I think this disclaimer should actually be at the top of most personal things I talk about. Personal censorship is not one of my strong suits.
As my regular reader knows I got a genital piercing a little over a month ago. This particular piercing made erections extremely painful and sexual activity impossible. After the first couple nights I would wake up in extreme pain several times throughout the night. As any guy can testify it doesn’t take long without sexual release before the pressure builds up and needs release. So there reaches a point where I had to weigh the pain, pressure, and pleasure of having an orgasm.
This time was not easy for my partner either. I think she has a slightly higher sex drive than me and going this long without intercourse effected her. She was completely supportive and loving during this time period but we have a great sexual compatibility so taking that out of our lives has a realistic impact. Luckily we are also great friends, crazy in love, trust each other, and communicate fully so even the loss of sex for a while had no negative impact on our relationship.
Anyway, after about a week of no orgasm I finally was able to masturbate to completion. It was very painful still (but to be honest I kind of liked that… hmmm) but there was sense of relief and accomplishment when it happened. Of course the first thing I did after my successful act of self-coitus was text my partner, and she was genuinely thrilled for me. That is when it occurred to us, true love is celebrating each other’s orgasms.
True love is genuine happiness and joy at the accomplishments and pleasure of another (this is also called compersion in poly circles). This happens between parents and their children, brothers and sisters, best friends, and for poly people this applies to their partners having intimate relationships with others. My poly journey is still in it’s infancy and I have not had the chance to explore multiple partner based compersion but if/when that day comes I hope I can celebrate the intimacy and orgasms my partner has when I am not the direct recipient of them.