The Threesome

I mentioned a bit ago that my partner and I had a threesome at Libertine. This was the first time that we have explored our sexuality actively with a third party directly involved, and now that some time has passed I have processed a lot and have some thoughts on the whole experience.

The threesome was with another male. This happened for several reasons. First, it was the easiest first step for us. My partner and I had talked about our fantasies, interests, and what it would look like if we explored things with other people (I hope every couple has at least discussed these things, communication is key). We decided that another male would be the least threatening situation for bringing in a third.

The second reason is my sexual curiosity. I have identified as bisexual, pansexual, or queer depending on the forum and audience, but up to this point that has been really internal for me and it isn’t something I have thoroughly explored. Sure, I’ve given sensual massages to men and women before but it wasn’t particularly sexual. This was an opportunity to explore that curiosity in a direct way.

The final reason is opportunity. Neither my partner nor I feel the drive to pursue diverse sexual experiences in this way, but we are open to them (at least on a theoretical level) if they present themselves. So, when a male approached us that was attracted to both of us and that we had some attraction to we decided to go for it.

After the threesome and some time to process there are two main conclusions for us. First, I am not really bisexual or pansexual. The experience was fun, but it wasn’t sexually arousing. I guess I’m probably a 0-1 on the Kinsey Scale, before this I thought I was closer to a 2. I would totally do this type of thing again, it was fun, but it wasn’t sexual. I enjoyed receiving and giving pleasure, but it wasn’t erotic.

The second conclusion for us was that we can handle this type of experience really well. We communicated well the whole time, and even “paused” the action to step outside and evaluate our boundaries. We ended up being comfortable with a greater level of sexual contact than we originally thought we would. There was no jealousy afterwards, we actually had some amazing sex just the two of us afterwards. Also, it was incredibly interesting and fun to see the sexual patterns that another person goes through. I think most committed couples get into efficient routines and seeing another person (or couples) routine can inspire some variety.

Overall, we had a great time and are really open to the next babystep for us in this sexual direction, a foursome or swap with a couple. We won’t be cruising Craigslist or anything for partners but if we hit it off with a couple we meet on the road at a festival or via Couchsurfing, or if some friends of ours were interested then we would be open to going in that direction. We both value a healthy mix of variety and security, and so far we have been able to have both. I am confident that will continue.

Bicycle Fitness and Beyond

Improved fitness was not one of our goals when we started this three year bike ride, but it has been one of the benefits. It seems that biking for 6ish hours per day, rarely being idle, sleeping 8-10 hours per night, eating a vegan diet with minimal processed foods, and drinking lots of water is good for you. For the first time since middle school I am able to fit into a size 31” waist jeans and my body fat percentage is in a really healthy place. My BMI still says that I am overweight but the BMI is garbage, so I don’t care about that. Overall, I’m pretty happy with my health, but I still want to improve. I’ve plateaued off in my fitness recently so I need to make some changes to see further improvement.

The reasons I want to improve are threefold. First, I’ve never really seen what my body can do. I’ve never seen if I can get well-defined muscles or how strong I can get. I only get one life with this amazing machine, it would be a shame not to see what it can do. Second, when the bike ride ends I don’t want to fall into a fitness slump and get unhealthy again. To do that I need to have routines that don’t rely on my special life right now. Lastly, and kind of most importantly to me, is the Lester Burnham reason: I want to look good naked. I enjoy going to clothing optional events (sexual or otherwise) and my confidence is boosted if I like how I look.

So, to do this I am implementing a 30-day plan to try to get into a routine. I know from personal experience that I tend to work best with 30-day or so challenges, it is short enough for me to see a goal in sight but long enough for some lasting changes. Like most health routine it is going to attack exercise and diet. This should help get rid of the extra fat I want to burn and help build muscle mass. My diet is the easier part, I’ve never had much trouble eating healthy when I put my mind to it, and the changes I need to make are kind of minimal. I need to cut out the occasional soda I have (or at least get a diet one instead of regular), I need to make my nighttime meals a little smaller, cut out the occasional cookie/ice cream/chips, and eat my other meals more slowly instead of scarfing down three hummus wraps before my brain can register my stomach contents. Clearly, I won’t be perfect at all these things for the next month, but hopefully I can be more aware of what I’m doing when I eat and make more conscious decisions.

Working out is going to be a bit more difficult. I don’t have regular access to a gym, which means I am stuck with body weight exercises. Luckily, there is a lot you can do with that. Hell, the entire military workout program expects you to operate without equipment. My legs are in great shape now so I am going to focus on upper body (arms, chest, back) and abdominal muscles. I am going to start doing a 30-day planking program that I found online, as well as a 30-day push-up program. I’m modifying them both due to my current fitness level but using the same pattern to create a challenge fit for me (starting Day 20 for plank and day 17 for pushups). I do need to figure out a way to do a more intense arm workout (particularly biceps), so hopefully I can find a pull-up bar daily or turn my equipment into some weights. I do carry a lot of water and stuff with me so I am sure I can figure something out.

Oh well, we will see how this goes and how sexy I can get myself feeling.

30-day-plank-challenge-chart

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Labor Day Libertine

Over Labor Day weekend my partner and I had a wonderful time at an event in Indiana, Labor Day Libertine. This is actually the first weekend we have had to relax since leaving Missoula in May. Sure, we have days where we aren’t cycling, but we are always working or planning or making repairs. I think a lot of people assume that just because we are biking around the country that means we are relaxing or vacationing. We definitely see some awesome things and I wouldn’t change my life for anything, but it isn’t easy spending every day wondering where you will sleep at night, how you will find WiFi, what you will do when it storms on you, etc etc etc. It was so nice to spend an entire weekend with our phones turned off and just enjoying ourselves.

Labor Day Libertine is a festival put on in Indiana to celebrate polyamory, BDSM, and spiritual hedonism. While my partner and I don’t really fit strictly into any of those categories I knew we would have a good time because of the community involved. This is a group of people whom I met years ago on my bike ride across the US and they are, by far, the most loving and accepting people I’ve ever met. They truly support any lifestyle as long as you aren’t hurting anyone else. To be honest, it is probably more accepting than Burning Man.

Our first day into the festival (for lack of a better word) was pretty relaxed. We set up our tent, went to one of the classes, and then hung out around the bonfire while people danced played drums. We were our normal introverted selves and just kind of sat their and enjoyed the environment. Most of the participants seemed to know each other a little bit and spent the evening catching up, we were a little bit on the outside but it didn’t feel bad. We went to bed around 11pm to recover from the fairly tough bike ride of the day that involved hills, humidity, and heat.

Saturday, after a long night’s sleep, we got up and went to the BDSM 101 class. We aren’t particularly kinky but we do enjoy some unconventional sex from time to time and have an interest in BDSM. The class was good and showed us a wide variety of toys and implements that can be used for pleasure. The rest of the day was kind of relaxed, we chatted with some people, took naps, and recovered from life. That night we were much more social around the fire (thanks Molly) and had our first threesome.

The threesome was an incredible experience. Of course, we have discussed our kinks, fantasies, and interests before Libertine. Communication in the area of sex is absolutely necessary for exploration and satisfaction. Bringing another person into our sex life was something we had a logical interest in but recognized that there could be some jealousy or negative feelings. So, we moved slowly and communicated a lot when this opportunity presented itself. We ended up not having any jealousy or discomfort, it was actually a really good experience where everyone had a good time and looked after each other’s feelings. I think it was a great step for my partner and I, it was a physical example of the words we have often shared… that we love each other, that each other’s comfort comes first, and that neither of us would do something if it could hurt the other. While we aren’t going to actively look for more experiences like this we are open to other multi-partner experiences, a foursome is particularly appealing to even out the numbers. Maybe some day some coupled friends of ours or random strangers will have a mutual interest in exploring.

After the threesome my partner and I felt stronger than ever and we went into the woods to have some more amazing sex under the stars. It was a truly magical night and we feel stronger than ever. The next day, Sunday, we slept in and lounged around a lot. It was quite hot and the Molly hangover had us feeling lazy. At lunch we chatted with a guy who makes his own BDSM toys and he gifted us a flogger. It was incredibly nice of him, though the reason he was in Indiana at all is kind of ridiculous. He was arrested for marijuana possession and sentenced to 2-years probation where he can’t leave the state (he is from California). The police took his care and all of his personal items and sold them, so now he is stuck in Indiana without the means to work and all his family and friends are on the coast. Pretty damn stupid.

Sunday evening we did end up going to a Orgasm Control demo, which was pretty fascinating. We accidentally went to bed after that, we had planned on just taking a nap to rally before another night of partying but we didn’t set an alarm and just slept. Monday morning was mostly just packing and cleaning up. I wish we would have had the energy to go to more demos and workshops, and to party more, but our bodies and mind were beat from months of travel and stress. We will definitely be back though, either to a future Libertine or one of the other festivals put on by this wonderful community. I miss them already.