The Threesome

I mentioned a bit ago that my partner and I had a threesome at Libertine. This was the first time that we have explored our sexuality actively with a third party directly involved, and now that some time has passed I have processed a lot and have some thoughts on the whole experience.

The threesome was with another male. This happened for several reasons. First, it was the easiest first step for us. My partner and I had talked about our fantasies, interests, and what it would look like if we explored things with other people (I hope every couple has at least discussed these things, communication is key). We decided that another male would be the least threatening situation for bringing in a third.

The second reason is my sexual curiosity. I have identified as bisexual, pansexual, or queer depending on the forum and audience, but up to this point that has been really internal for me and it isn’t something I have thoroughly explored. Sure, I’ve given sensual massages to men and women before but it wasn’t particularly sexual. This was an opportunity to explore that curiosity in a direct way.

The final reason is opportunity. Neither my partner nor I feel the drive to pursue diverse sexual experiences in this way, but we are open to them (at least on a theoretical level) if they present themselves. So, when a male approached us that was attracted to both of us and that we had some attraction to we decided to go for it.

After the threesome and some time to process there are two main conclusions for us. First, I am not really bisexual or pansexual. The experience was fun, but it wasn’t sexually arousing. I guess I’m probably a 0-1 on the Kinsey Scale, before this I thought I was closer to a 2. I would totally do this type of thing again, it was fun, but it wasn’t sexual. I enjoyed receiving and giving pleasure, but it wasn’t erotic.

The second conclusion for us was that we can handle this type of experience really well. We communicated well the whole time, and even “paused” the action to step outside and evaluate our boundaries. We ended up being comfortable with a greater level of sexual contact than we originally thought we would. There was no jealousy afterwards, we actually had some amazing sex just the two of us afterwards. Also, it was incredibly interesting and fun to see the sexual patterns that another person goes through. I think most committed couples get into efficient routines and seeing another person (or couples) routine can inspire some variety.

Overall, we had a great time and are really open to the next babystep for us in this sexual direction, a foursome or swap with a couple. We won’t be cruising Craigslist or anything for partners but if we hit it off with a couple we meet on the road at a festival or via Couchsurfing, or if some friends of ours were interested then we would be open to going in that direction. We both value a healthy mix of variety and security, and so far we have been able to have both. I am confident that will continue.

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2 thoughts on “The Threesome

  1. How did you come to the conclusion that this experience reflected on your sexuality rather than it being a case of the third party just not doing it for you (lack of connection/spark/attraction)? I also self-identify as pansexual, but have yet to have a same sex sexual experience. Thanks for sharing!

    • It very well be the case that he just didn’t do it for me in an erotic way (though he was an attractive guy). I am open to that possibility, but that isn’t how it felt for me. I guess when I compare it to my attraction to females it felt different. For example, regardless of the female I tend to find female primary and secondary sexual organs to have an erotic side to them. The vulva, breasts, and butt of the female is pretty arousing, regardless of the individual. But with men in practice, I didn’t feel that same attraction to genitalia. In my fantasies the eroticism surrounding having a man in bed is more situational than biological.

      My sexuality is still fluid, and I am comfortable with the pansexual identity because I am open to sexual attraction to any individual regardless of the gender, though history and fantasy seems to show that I tend much more strongly towards female attraction. Who knows, maybe someday I’ll meet a guy who I find more sexually attractive and have a strong erotic attraction to him.

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