This is a post from our bike adventure blog Barely Functional Adults. I figured my friends over here might like it too.
We knew we would love our hosts even before we arrived at their home. The many messages we exchanged before arriving exuded light and I felt like they had a similar view on a lot of things. It turned out the weekend we were arriving was also the last day of work for one of our hosts (let’s call them Luna and Sola) for a while and they were having a going away party before Luna went on a trip to the west coast. Nothing explicit was said about the party that would really make me think it was anything special, other than a comment that roughly said “we think you guys would get along great with our group”.
Normally, that would be a pretty mundane thing to say to someone on Couchsurfing, but our CS profile is pretty, umm, non-conservative. We have photos from naked bike rides, transformational festivals, and Burning Man, and we are part of a psychedelic group. Our profile also emphasizes how open-minded we are, how we are interested in alternative ways of living life, etc. Basically, when someone says we will fit in it makes me think the party will be far from a few friends drinking glasses of wine and discussing politics.
I was right.
After arriving at our host’s home we found out that most of the people (all?) are actually polyamorous. I’m not sure if I’ve discussed polyamory on this blog or not, but the basic ideas is that polyamory is a relationship arrangement (style? orientation?) where the individuals involved have multiple romantic relationships at the same time with the full consent of everyone involved. It is different from an open relationship (which is about having multiple sexual partners) but there is often some overlap. There also tends to be a lot of overlap in the kink/BDSM community and the LGBT community. Belonging to one group does not mean you belong to any of the others, but the groups tend to mingle and get together a lot… at least in my experience.
Anyway, it turns out that Luna and Sola are in that network of alternative relationships and they wanted to make sure we were cool with that. Even if it became more of a “play party”.
Of course we were! We love to be around people banging, flirting, and having some good ol’ consensual adult fun. We worked at the Orgy Dome at Burning Man after all, we love being around people being uninhibited.
In fact, it had been a long time since we were with a group like that. I think LA was really the last time. Sure, we’ve had some fun experiences with close friends that, but we haven’t been to a party in a long time. Unfortunately, we are introverted as fuck and can get a bit shy around new people. It is especially hard when we are at someone else’s house and don’t have a way to retreat and recharge our energy. Luckily, we had a room in the house that worked for rest and recharging. We also had our good friend, MDMA.
I did make a rookie mistake while rolling though. I got a little tipsy and had too much food in my stomach before rolling. I was nervous asking Luna or Sola if they would be okay with us taking Molly at their house (always get consent!) so I had too many beers. This stomach full of booze and chips gave me some stomach issues and delayed the roll a bit for me. No bueno.
Anyway, except for that minor personal issue the party was absolutely wonderful. Everyone we met was incredibly friendly and respectful. It is kind of rare for us to feel like the “vanilla” people in a group, but we did around them. We aren’t poly (though we are certainly not completely sexually monogamous), but they all accepted us for who we were and seemed genuinely interested in us. It was kind of nice to know that we could really discuss anything and it wouldn’t shock or offend anyone. It was also really nice to be around poly people because communication is so important. If I was interested in kissing Luna (which I was), all I had to do was ask. If Luna was interested as well then it would happen. If Luna wasn’t interested then they would just say so and there would be no harm. Because it is a poly group it encourages people to openly talk and not come up with excuses. Nobody can really say “I can’t because I have a boyfriend/girlfriend”, instead you hear something more honest (but still tactful) like “I’m really honored but I’m not interested in that right now” or “Thank you, but I’m really enjoying our conversation and I’d rather stick with that”. Also, poly groups are check on creepy guys because the community is so close and tends to be controlled by the women. If you act inappropriately then everyone will know about it and it is likely you will have a hard time getting involved in future events or meeting people. You see the same behavior in the swinger/lifestyle community. Creepy vibes are not tolerated and everyone is looking out for the safety and comfort of others.
There was no creepiness involved though. We had an amazing time and they all seemed to enjoy our presence. We even managed to convince some people to join us for some multi-hand full body massages. It is always a treat to see, touch, and taste new bodies and experience such an intimate connection with someone. I even got to kiss Luna a few times, and they are an fantastic kisser 🙂
The party eventually died down and people started to head home. We went to bed fully glowing after a night of great conversations and wonderful memories. I wish I could remember the names of everyone, but I’m shitty at that (especially while rolling… details are hard but overall feelings are easily remembered). I’m really excited that we met Luna and Sola, we’ve continued to talk and I hope we can get together again soon. They are such a beautiful and loving couple, it will be great to have them in our home someday, visit them again, or maybe head out to a festival in the mountains or rent out a cabin for a weekend of nature time.
Weekends like this is what life is about.