My post yesterday sparked up a conversation between me and a like-minded friend. She, like I, is fascinated and curious about sex, not only as an intellectual pursuit but also on a personal level. We started chatting about some of our experiences with sex and how they weren’t exactly “sexual”. Sure, there was penetration and/or genital manipulation, but there wasn’t the sort of eroticism or intimacy that we generally associate with sex. Instead, it was fun and fulfillment of our curiosity. It was just neat to see what brings the other person pleasure or how they react to certain stimuli, or how they felt different than past partners. It was simply good fun.
I don’t think the fun, curious, non-sexual sex is better or worse than sensual, erotic sexual experiences. It is just different. It is apples and oranges. Sure, the physical acts that are happening are the same but the mindset of those involved is different. It is like how Michael Jordan playing basketball with his kids is different than playing a pro game which is different than leisurely shooting hoops with Magic Johnson (Disclaimer: I haven’t watched basketball since the Portland Trailblazers made a run for the title when I was in elementary school… but I hope you get my point).
Just because acts look similar from the outside doesn’t mean that they are comparable. The value and perspective of the individuals involve weigh much more heavily than what part is being put where and for how long.
I’m not necessarily looking for more sexual partners, that is closer to polyamory than I’m really interested in now (I’m open to them… but not really looking for them). But I am certainly looking for more sex experiences that broaden my horizons, satisfy my curiosities about other people, and create memorable experiences with friends and strangers. I’m thrilled that I have a partner who enjoys new experiences as well and isn’t set on controlling my bodily acts, and we both agree that the heart and intentions of the act are way more important than the physical side of things.
Sex doesn’t need to be sexual.
Wandering Oak 