Dream Job

A couple of nights ago Anna and I took a little MDMA while camping. To be honest, it was probably our least favorite roll yet. It was our own fault, we had full stomachs and were pretty tired. We’ve also been rolling quite a bit just the two of us. We love that but some variety would be nice… another couple to roll with (we’ve had great experiences in the past introducing couples to molly) or maybe a festival/rave to explore. To be honest, there wasn’t much euphoria or desire for physical intimacy, it wasn’t a bad experience (can Molly be bad?) but it wasn’t great. There was one highlight for me though, I got to do some internal thinking and fantasizing about my dream job. While rolling, particularly towards the end of the night, you can kind of get stuck in your own head thinking about wonderful things. Your mind kind of wanders in a pseudo-hallucinogenic fashion. During this time of reflection I realized what I would love to do for a living. Sadly, if I tried to do this openly men with guns would kick down my door and put me in a cage.

What I’d love to do is host “Roll Parties” for people. I’d love to provide a set and setting for people to use MDMA carefree. I would provide the location, the MDMA, and whatever extras people desired. It could be completely customizable to the group’s desires. Maybe it is just a couple who want to curl up and talk out their relationship, or maybe a small group want to have a sexy party, or maybe more of a rave is what a group want. I’d love to provide all of that.

For example, maybe a group of six friend’s contact me and want to have a roll party. They don’t have a clear idea for what they want out of the night but want to keep options open. They are fairly sexually liberal but not swingers or poly. To get the night started I would give a briefing on what to expect from taking MDMA, this would happen at every party even if people are used to the drug. After everyone takes their dose we would spend the next hour figuring out what people are comfortable with and what they would want while waiting for the dose to hit. I would have everyone anonymously fill out a “comfort sheet” where they can share their comfort level with certain common occurrences while rolling. Maybe it would look something like this:

How comfortable would you be if the males in this room were nude (unaroused)?

  • Very Comfortable
  • Somewhat Comfortable
  • Unsure
  • Somewhat Uncomfortable
  • Very Uncomfortable
  • Comments:

How comfortable would you be if the females in this room were nude?

  • Very Comfortable
  • Somewhat Comfortable
  • Unsure
  • Somewhat Uncomfortable
  • Very Uncomfortable
  • Comments:

How comfortable would you be if the males in this room were nude (sexually aroused)?

  • Very Comfortable               
  • Somewhat Comfortable
  • Unsure
  • Somewhat Uncomfortable
  • Very Uncomfortable
  • Comments:

How comfortable would you be if the people were giving erotic massages?

  • Very Comfortable
  • Somewhat Comfortable
  • Unsure
  • Somewhat Uncomfortable
  • Very Uncomfortable
  • Comments:

Are there any subjects that you feel uncomfortable discussing or may be triggering for you? Please list or discuss personally with the facilitator?

Are you interested in discussing any of the following subjects more openly?

  • Societies views on sex and nudity
  • Your personal sex life and kinks or interests
  • Spirituality and Religion
  • Politics
  • Your past

This is just a sample of some of the questions and it would be much more thorough. This may seem silly to some but providing a comfortable environment for everyone is important. After gathering all the surveys I would share some rules/guidelines about how the night will go.  If someone said they are uncomfortable with seeing aroused males we could come up with solutions, including getting verbal confirmation of everyone in the room before something like that happens. Or maybe designate a particular room for more sexual activity. I’d also let people know what subjects others are interested in discussing or should be avoided because they can be triggering. Generally people rolling are great about consent and following the kink guidelines (discuss what you like, what you don’t like, any medical issues you may have, what aftercare you desire, etc) but having designated places for activities or guidelines in place at the beginning of the night helps get everyone comfortable. Some groups won’t need this, some groups of friends are completely comfortable with everything or have a lot of experience already but occasionally individuals are in a mental space where they have strong preferences. It is always best to express these things from the beginning to prevent harm or discomfort. The goal is to make the most conservative and/or least experienced person 100% comfortable with how things may go.

I could also provide DJ’s, fire dancers, masseuses, and whatever else the group desired. It would be completely geared to what the group wants. Sadly, this would all be illegal because of the drugs. Sure, I could probably try to host parties like this without the drugs but my passion is really sharing the MDMA experience with others so that their lives and relationships can grow. MDMA destroys jealousy and the unnecessary social walls that have been put up, and it helps spread comfort and love. I’ve rolled with people where all we do is talk and bond, I’ve rolled with people where it gets very sexually intimate with massages and same-room sex, and I’ve had goofy times with people where we explore each other’s bodies in kind of a clinical fashion and just marvel at how beautiful we all are.

I’d love to do this for a living (though, not necessarily for an income). Maybe someday it will be legal… or maybe I’ll just do it anyway and risk it. Providing healing and happiness for other people is the moral thing to do, even it if is illegal.

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Couples Therapy

I have often talked about my advocacy for using MDMA* as a therapeutic assist for individuals facing PTSD, as well as a way for romantic couples to keep communication open and maintain a strong love for each other. A while back my partner and I got to experience something else when we had a night “rolling” with another couple who are our friends. I found this experience to be incredibly positive and I hope to relive it again with that couple and others that we know.

There is a false stereotype that MDMA is some sort of “sex drug”. In reality, it opens doors of communication and fosters love and trust between those involved. Due to the nature of the relationship of all involved the only sexual contact occurred between significant others and did so in a fairly private manner. Instead, the whole experience was a lot of discussions about love, life, relationships, and how much we appreciated each other. We  all got to discuss how we face the problems in our lives and what we hope for in the future. We were also able to find out how another couple deals with difficulties in relationship types (both being kind of mixed poly/mono couples). People who love each other should be free to discuss anything openly, but sadly social barriers and our past often prevent that. MDMA helps open that up.

Moving forward I certainly hope we have more experiences like this. With all things pre-intoxicated discussions are key. While I may be comfortable with things like being naked in front of friends, giving/receiving massages, having sex while others are in the room, or even sexual intimacy with others it is important to get these things on the table beforehand when everyone is completely sober… if something comes up of interest during a roll you can always discuss it the next day and save it for another time. It is better to guarantee enthusiastic consent and interest in an activity than risk harming a person or relationship. Basically, err on the side of the most conservative member of the group.

Unfortunately, I am not as outspoken in person with individuals as I am when writing about things as broad issues, so though I may be interested in something I often remain quiet. I’m working on this, and thinking there might be a better way. I’ve seen lists of sexual interests that couples can exchange where they rate things like “I’d love to do that – Maybe under the right circumstances – No way in hell” and I’m sure that could be adapted for couples therapy. Even if new boundaries aren’t pushed, enjoying a loving and intimate home environment while rolling is still one of my favorite things to do, and it sure as hell is a lot safer and cheaper than alcohol.

*Unfortunately we live in a place where men with guns are willing to throw peaceful adults in cages if they possess MDMA. Due to Prohibition the quality of MDMA can be compromised and can become unsafe. Please, please, please, always purchase from a trusted source, use a test kit to ensure quality, stay hydrated, and look out for each other. Rolling is amazing and can be a near spiritual experience, but it isn’t worth taking unnecessary fatal risks.  Be Safe.