**Well, despite my half-ass efforts I have not really maintained this blog in addition to the other two I’m running. I think I will just start posting the same thing here that I post on the blog for our 2-year bike ride, Barely Functional Adults. This was originally posted on April 16. As a reminder,this is pretty much an uncensored version of the events of our bike ride. If you are uncomfortable hearing about sex, drugs, profanity, etc you should check follow our PG-version at www.10LegsWillTravel.wordpress.com . This is a warning. If you don’t want to hear about these adult actions please leave now**
Well nothing ever goes as planned. Expectations, plans, and the whole works are often necessary but rarely match up with what we have in mind. Oh well, shit works out.
We didn’t get to bed the night before until pretty late. I went to bed around midnight, Hans went to bed around 11pm, and Anna didn’t snuggle into our mattress on the ground until nearly 2am… and our alarm was set for 6am. It sucks but I didn’t think much of it because I knew we could still knock out the rest of the prep work and apartment cleaning by 9am or so and hit the trail. Our first day was only 35 miles or so after all, no big deal. And then everything went crazy.
I woke up to anxious voices in the living room. Apparently Higgs had decided to eat a bunch of our trail mix in the middle of the night and because the trail mix had dark chocolate it could probably poison him to death. Anna called her dad who is a veterinarian and I did the only thing I could do, I checked the internet. After some research I decided our dog probably wouldn’t die but this is the internet so it is probably good that we erred on the side of caution. Anna’s dad told us to induce vomiting by pouring hydrogen peroxide down his throat so we did. Dogs do not love the taste of hydrogen peroxide, but after a couple douses he vomited a shit ton of foamy, brown, nutty mess all over the alley behind our house. A good person probably would have cleaned it up but I didn’t because I was tired, in my pajamas, and the smell was terrible. Oh well, this is LA… dog vomit is probably pretty clean compared to most of the sidewalk.
After the Higgs-chocolate-vomit debacle we got back to work cleaning the apartment and prepping our equipment. We finally got everything downstairs and ready to load up around 11am. That is when we realized that the equipment didn’t really fit on our bikes very well and we needed a trailer to carry some of it. Anna rushed off to the local bike shop to get one while Hans and I hung around and kind of just sat around. 1pm finally rolled around and we hit the road. Now we had less than half the time than expected… no big deal…
Unfortunately, we didn’t make it to the campground we had a reservation at. We were racing the sun and had about seven more miles to go when Anna’s bike blew a tube. By time we got it changed we had very little light left and were on the side of the Pacific Coast Highway. I found a campground about a mile away and we rushed off hoping they would have room for us to camp.
We arrived with a few minutes of light left but there was nobody working so we just set up our tent in an empty spot and called it good. We would have payed the $45 if they came around and asked for it but they never did. We left before any park attendee talked to us so I guess we camped for free. Well, free minus the $40 we paid for the other campground that we didn’t stay at. I’m sure the state of California will survive without that extra $5, they sure as hell took a bunch out of our taxes this year already anyway.
The next day (Thursday) only really had one event. As we were driving down the PCH Higgs somehow managed to bust out of the kennel and fell out while I was riding about 15mph. He somehow rolled pretty safely and decided to sprint around the highway. Luckily there wasn’t much traffic. We all basically panicked and started screaming his name, which of course freaked him out and he started sprinting to each of us thinking we were playing some sort of game called “Let’s dodge traffic in an area with no shoulder and speeding cars, but at least the weather is nice”. We ended up getting grabbing him and he was perfectly fine, we were more shaken than he was. He just kept wagging his tail and was thinking of peanut butter or something. After that there wasn’t much to report, we saw some cool jets and missiles near an Air Force base and we stopped for some fresh fruit but really we rolled into Ventura safe and sound.
On Friday things got a little rougher. First off, after about 4 miles on the road some bad circumstances led to Higgs tipping in his trailer as we crossed a road. Again, Higgs ended up being fine but the trailer ended up torn on one side. We had to prop up the couch cushion that Higgs has been using as a bed to block the broken side so he couldn’t slip out… I know it seems like we take risks with our dog but that really isn’t the case, it has just been a good run of bad luck.
After we got the trailer going again we knocked out an amazing 30 miles or so along the coast. We stopped for coffee in a pretentious little area of Santa Barbara where some guy who said he was a witch from Salem, Massachusetts and was walking to San Diego asked Hans for money. He got pretty annoyed when she said no but then asked for directions to San Diego and got more annoyed when we didn’t know more than “walk with the beach on your right”. Once we hit the highway heading to Lucidity from Santa Barbara things got kind of dicey. The roads were absolute crap… uphill climbs, shitty shoulders, and driver’s who barely paid attention. We walked our bikes a lot because we just couldn’t keep riding the steep incline. Luckily, a great guy with a pick-up truck saw us along the road and offered us a lift. We gladly accepted. Finally, around 5pm on Friday we got into Lucidity and got ready to party our asses off.
It didn’t take us long to find our friends and get settled in at the festival. After a little bit of relaxation we popped some MDMA and Cialis and got things going. We wandered around, listened to some music, and just enjoyed the amazing vibe of hundreds of people acting peacefully. For the first time since our trip started Anna and I had sex but because of the MDMA neither of us could come. A standard and expected side effect, particularly when our bodies were so tired from three days cycling in the sun. During this time Hans was out with some of our friends. She got invited to a threesome but wasn’t really up for it because of all the travel, besides, she wanted to listen to some music and explore the festival. We all got a really good night’s sleep though and were ready to explore the festival all day Saturday.
After waking at about noon the three of us and some friends hung out for a bit and drank some beers in front of the tent. We were all recovering from the chemicals in our body and enjoying the cool atmosphere. A few more of our friends arrived at the festival which motivated us to get moving. A group of us walked around for a while just taking in the sights and sounds. It is always such a great experience to see the art and hear the music that humans can create, we are such fascinating and creative creatures. During our walk we decided to take a bunch of pictures (obviously) and during one of these photo ops I proposed to Anna. She said yes and we are now engaged. Her and I have talked a lot about our future together and we both want our lives to stay aligned if possible. We are great partners.
Eventually we found our way back to our tents and rested some more…. festivals can kind of make you lazy sometimes. It is an opportunity to rest and restore your mind (even if you exhaust your body a bit). As the sun started to sink down we took some more MDMA and Cialis and hit the festival again. We wandered, looked for friends, listened to music and enjoyed life.
As is often the case, five of us found ourselves in a tent exploring each other. There were various stages of undress and tits being sucked, cocks being stroked, bodies caressed, kissing, laughing, petting, playing, and banging. Bodies got lost on and in each other and a good time was had by all. During all this play another friend came up to our tent but he was on a bunch of mushrooms so he was more in the mood to just stare at the stars than have some sexy time with our group. While it was fun none of us came (thanks MDMA) so this was day 4 without orgasm… a pretty long time for people like us. After our little tent party we wandered around for another hour or so but our bodies started to tire, the MDMA we took was really clean so we were euphoric and happy but not really “dancey”.
Sunday ended up being a real day of rest for us. Most of our friends had to leave that day and we knew we had to hit the road again hard on Monday. We spent a lot of time letting our bodies and mind recover. Naps, 5-HTP, and food were our primary desires. It was incredibly sad to say good-bye to our friends. Some of them we will see again at Burning Man but many of them will likely be physically out of our lives for the next couple years. Thankfully we live in a time when Facebook and cell phones allow us to stay connected. I fucking love these people and I don’t know how I would get around without them, we all need friends where we can be our naked selves… where we can be open, honest, and unapologetic. People who don’t mind hanging out in the nude, drinking a beer, discussing philosophy, doing drugs, cuddling on a couch, or a thousand other things. These people are soulmates, reflections of ourselves in others. That’s what these two groups of friends are to me… they are love, plain and simple. They are my crushes (intellectually, physically, and as couples) and they are people I hope will be in my life for a very long time. Damn it… I am going to fucking miss them.
Leaving on Monday morning was tough. It was like leaving a warm bed on a cold morning except the bed was warmth for your spirit. We managed to do it though and hit the road around 11am. The mountains out of the city sucked ass. Small shoulders, inclines, and shitty drivers again but we pushed through the remaining 8ish miles with only a few stops (mostly for safety… I have no intention of dying on this adventure, there is too much more to explore). Unfortunately as we came out of the mountains we had a tube on the equipment trailer blow. Somehow it managed to get over five tiny holes in it. We patched what we could and moved on… we should have had spare tubes but we all procrastinated buying them. For days we talked about needing to pick them up but just didn’t. Oh well, lesson learned. We patched what we could and just kept filling the tube every mile or so until we made it to our destination.
That night we stayed with someone we found on WarmShowers. Our host and his wife was absolutely amazing. Despite Higgs acting like a dick to his dogs and horses our host really took care of us. He provided a place for us to set up our tent for the night and cooked us an amazing vegan chili dinner. A warm home cooked meal really hit the spot. I should of known that were among good people when his Pandora station was Phish. We had some great dessert, took a shower in one of the nicest showers I have ever used, and hit the sack pretty early so we could get a good start on the next day.
Around 7am we hit the road to a local coffee shop to kind of set up basecamp for the day. I rode quickly to a bike shop to get tubes for the trailer, as well as new patch kits, while Anna and Hans worked on work and our new Facebook page. We ended up spending about four hours at the coffee shop before hitting the road again.
About halfway through our day we stopped for a break at a gas station. While sitting at a bench I started talking to a guy sitting near us. It turns out he is a former California Highway Patrolman. He asked about what we were doing and seemed really supportive. Unfortunately, I didn’t get his name but I gave him one of our cards. He asked about this blog title so it is likely he is reading this. It is sad that if he was working and witnessed some of the things I’ve already talked about it is likely he would put me in a cage. Our current legal system (and the fucktard asshat politicians that pass the laws) pits many good people who want to make a better society against peaceful people like us. I don’t know what kind of cop he was, he may have been wonderful or he may have ruined the lives of people because they smoked a plant or did some other peaceful act that harmed nobody. I just don’t know, I hope he was a good cop, I really do. It is just really sad that we now live in a society where I fear flashing blue lights and badges even when I do nothing wrong. I know I would never call the police, even if I witnessed a crime… the chance is just too high that they will turn against me or other peaceful people. We now live in a society where vigilante justice is more just than law enforcement. It really is sad….
The rest of our ride into Santa Maria was pretty peaceful. We couldn’t find a safe place to camp or any available people on CouchSurfing or WarmShowers so we got a cheap hotel room. Finally, after an amazing 90 seconds of banging, Anna and I were able to orgasm… the first one in seven days. Hans was feeling a little sick so she didn’t bust out her vibrator, but she did have nearly a half dozen sex dreams so her subconscious filled in where her body couldn’t…. and she banged herself in the morning to make up for lost time.
**I know this one is pretty long. Hopefully I will be able to update this more often and not write a novel once a week**