Partying With Molly

Whew, I almost didn’t get a blog out today. I spent most of today travelling from Oklahoma to Dallas and didn’t have a lot of free time, but I managed to get a blog out. I’m a little drunk and this blog post is based on a question I got via Snapchat (Add me! pneiger), but it counts. Here is how I recommend partying with MDMA if you are doing a home party instead of a rave. I definitely prefer small, intimate gatherings instead of big raves or events but there is a time and place for everything.

Basics: There are a lot of ways to roll with Molly but some basics stand true for all circumstances. First, make sure your product has been tested and is safe. I recommend using a test kit from DanceSafe anytime you purchase a new batch. Even if you trust the source you should test each batch.

Hydration is really important when rolling, but unless you are dancing a ton it probably isn’t a major danger. You should still have Gatorade or orange juice on hand, as well as plenty of water. I also recommend plastic glasses to prevent accidental broken glass on the floor. Sometimes people get a little shaky with Molly and accidents can happen.

People often like to cuddle up and chat while rolling so it is nice to have a soft environment to hang out in. Simply placing blankets, pillows, and other soft things on the floor can help this environment. You don’t really need special supplies, just get the stuff off your bed and have them available for people to curl up with.

Music is also a major stimulant while rolling. I like to have a playlist ready on Spotify for rolling. A couple of hours that flows through EDM and some dancy top 40 can get people moving and exploring their bodies a bit. It is a tactile drug, which includes getting in touch with your own body at times. Music helps that.

Advanced: There are tons of ways to roll with friends that are more advanced. I don’t think you can really get into every detail but here is my favorite type of roll, a few couples who are good friends. I’ll start from the first time rolling because things flow more naturally after you’ve rolled with the same people a few times.

First, I think it is important to establish boundaries and expectations. Let’s say three different couples are getting together to all roll together. Each couple should discuss with each other about what their boundaries are. I like using the “Yes, Maybe, and No” method that is common within BDSM communities. “Yes” are things that you are absolutely comfortable with, “Maybe” are things that you might be comfortable with happening or seeing but check in first, and “No” are things that you aren’t comfortable with. By discussing these with your partner you can hold each other accountable and make sure that while rolling your lowered inhibitions don’t lead you doing something you regret. In my experience this is rare but it is better to be safe than sorry. There is always an opportunity in the future roll again, so don’t feel like you should do everything on the first roll.

Now, each Yes, Maybe, and No usually comes in three categories: things you will see, things you will touch, and things you will talk about. Things can get pretty intimate between sometimes so it is important to think about what you are comfortable with. “Seeing” can include naked bodies or people having sex, “Touching” can include massages or making out, and “Talking” may include personal issues like experiences in war, spiritual beliefs, or going into detailed conversations about what you desire in a relationship. Molly is a multi-functional drug that can be recreational, therapeutic, or both.

Second, you should discuss with your partner (or the group as a whole) the things you’d like to try while rolling. It is important not to have specific expectations about what will happen but there is nothing wrong with having things you’d like to experience. This may be something like discussing your past to heal from wounds or experiences a six-hand massage or see what everyone’s naked body looks like. If you are close to your friend’s they should be open to discussing anything, but the answer may be “no”. It is important to just put things out there.

Now, if you are doing a more intimate roll I recommend the following prep work:

  • Massage oil available for massages
  • Towels prepped near shower in case people decide to shower or bathe
  • Condoms and lube available for intimacy
  • A room dedicated to nudity or sexuality if some people in the group aren’t open to that (always provide a safe place for the newest or most conservative person in the group)
  • Candles or dim lighting for mood and to assist people with light sensitivity
  • Different playlists in different rooms for mood
  • Juices and pop-cycles for fluids and electrolytes
  • Magnesium supplements and gum to help with teeth grinding
  • Rave gloves, LED lights, and battery powered massagers available to help with stimulation
  • 5-HTP available for a few days after the roll to help with recovery

There really isn’t a bad way to roll, but some things can make the experience more epic. The most important thing is to take safety and comfort into account, communicate with the participants (particularly anyone new to it) and have a good time. Molly is a drug, an event, and a therapy, and putting in a little effort into prep work can take a good experience and make it legendary

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Dream Job

A couple of nights ago Anna and I took a little MDMA while camping. To be honest, it was probably our least favorite roll yet. It was our own fault, we had full stomachs and were pretty tired. We’ve also been rolling quite a bit just the two of us. We love that but some variety would be nice… another couple to roll with (we’ve had great experiences in the past introducing couples to molly) or maybe a festival/rave to explore. To be honest, there wasn’t much euphoria or desire for physical intimacy, it wasn’t a bad experience (can Molly be bad?) but it wasn’t great. There was one highlight for me though, I got to do some internal thinking and fantasizing about my dream job. While rolling, particularly towards the end of the night, you can kind of get stuck in your own head thinking about wonderful things. Your mind kind of wanders in a pseudo-hallucinogenic fashion. During this time of reflection I realized what I would love to do for a living. Sadly, if I tried to do this openly men with guns would kick down my door and put me in a cage.

What I’d love to do is host “Roll Parties” for people. I’d love to provide a set and setting for people to use MDMA carefree. I would provide the location, the MDMA, and whatever extras people desired. It could be completely customizable to the group’s desires. Maybe it is just a couple who want to curl up and talk out their relationship, or maybe a small group want to have a sexy party, or maybe more of a rave is what a group want. I’d love to provide all of that.

For example, maybe a group of six friend’s contact me and want to have a roll party. They don’t have a clear idea for what they want out of the night but want to keep options open. They are fairly sexually liberal but not swingers or poly. To get the night started I would give a briefing on what to expect from taking MDMA, this would happen at every party even if people are used to the drug. After everyone takes their dose we would spend the next hour figuring out what people are comfortable with and what they would want while waiting for the dose to hit. I would have everyone anonymously fill out a “comfort sheet” where they can share their comfort level with certain common occurrences while rolling. Maybe it would look something like this:

How comfortable would you be if the males in this room were nude (unaroused)?

  • Very Comfortable
  • Somewhat Comfortable
  • Unsure
  • Somewhat Uncomfortable
  • Very Uncomfortable
  • Comments:

How comfortable would you be if the females in this room were nude?

  • Very Comfortable
  • Somewhat Comfortable
  • Unsure
  • Somewhat Uncomfortable
  • Very Uncomfortable
  • Comments:

How comfortable would you be if the males in this room were nude (sexually aroused)?

  • Very Comfortable               
  • Somewhat Comfortable
  • Unsure
  • Somewhat Uncomfortable
  • Very Uncomfortable
  • Comments:

How comfortable would you be if the people were giving erotic massages?

  • Very Comfortable
  • Somewhat Comfortable
  • Unsure
  • Somewhat Uncomfortable
  • Very Uncomfortable
  • Comments:

Are there any subjects that you feel uncomfortable discussing or may be triggering for you? Please list or discuss personally with the facilitator?

Are you interested in discussing any of the following subjects more openly?

  • Societies views on sex and nudity
  • Your personal sex life and kinks or interests
  • Spirituality and Religion
  • Politics
  • Your past

This is just a sample of some of the questions and it would be much more thorough. This may seem silly to some but providing a comfortable environment for everyone is important. After gathering all the surveys I would share some rules/guidelines about how the night will go.  If someone said they are uncomfortable with seeing aroused males we could come up with solutions, including getting verbal confirmation of everyone in the room before something like that happens. Or maybe designate a particular room for more sexual activity. I’d also let people know what subjects others are interested in discussing or should be avoided because they can be triggering. Generally people rolling are great about consent and following the kink guidelines (discuss what you like, what you don’t like, any medical issues you may have, what aftercare you desire, etc) but having designated places for activities or guidelines in place at the beginning of the night helps get everyone comfortable. Some groups won’t need this, some groups of friends are completely comfortable with everything or have a lot of experience already but occasionally individuals are in a mental space where they have strong preferences. It is always best to express these things from the beginning to prevent harm or discomfort. The goal is to make the most conservative and/or least experienced person 100% comfortable with how things may go.

I could also provide DJ’s, fire dancers, masseuses, and whatever else the group desired. It would be completely geared to what the group wants. Sadly, this would all be illegal because of the drugs. Sure, I could probably try to host parties like this without the drugs but my passion is really sharing the MDMA experience with others so that their lives and relationships can grow. MDMA destroys jealousy and the unnecessary social walls that have been put up, and it helps spread comfort and love. I’ve rolled with people where all we do is talk and bond, I’ve rolled with people where it gets very sexually intimate with massages and same-room sex, and I’ve had goofy times with people where we explore each other’s bodies in kind of a clinical fashion and just marvel at how beautiful we all are.

I’d love to do this for a living (though, not necessarily for an income). Maybe someday it will be legal… or maybe I’ll just do it anyway and risk it. Providing healing and happiness for other people is the moral thing to do, even it if is illegal.

The Rise of “Festivals”

My recent return to Burning Man last week, this article about Taco Bell attempting to reach out to “burners”, and a few conversations about the apparent increase in festival attendance really has me thinking. If there is an increase in participation at “festivals” why is that? As is the case with all my blog posts I basically have no facts, just my own experiences and hypotheses that I think out when I should be working. It should be noted that for simplicity sake I use the word “festival” very broadly and include Burning Man (definitely not a festival in most ways), Lucidity style events that involve multiple days off site and includes a spiritual aspect, and EDC-style events that are more musically focused.

I think the biggest factor is the seemingly unique environment that people in their 20’s and 30’s operate in today. It is no secret that marriage is often being postponed, kids are birthed later in life, and college graduates are enjoying social freedom that is usually reserved for retirees. Many of them, including me, cohabitate with a partner or friends which allows for a lot of disposable income. Festivals can be expensive but if you have two people with college degrees and professional jobs sharing an apartment with no kids it is financially possible to participate often in multiday parties.

These celebrations can often involve intimacy and sex (the Orgy Dome at Burning Man is pretty awesome) but the focus is rarely on hook-ups or “one night stands”. In fact, festivals are very often attended by people in long-term committed relationships. I went with my partner, my best friend has gone with his fiance, our camp at Burning Man has had at least one married couple each year, and two of my dearest friends often go to EDC and similar events together. I also went to two weddings at Burning Man this year, one of which was a couple who got engaged at Lucidity.

Another important factor in festival attendance is technology, particularly the internet. Even relatively small events can spread the word quickly via Facebook to like-minded people across the globe. This is true for big events as well like Burning Man, which has been around for over 25 years, saw themselves face ticket scarcity for the first time thanks to burners sharing their pictures and videos over social media in the last couple years. Musicians who don’t have major labels can also use the internet to attract a fan base and advertise their presence at musical festivals. There is also greater specialization that is possible when people can communicate freely, it is now possible to attract participants to very unique and focused events where in the past smaller cliques would need to participate in big festivals and hope their classes would be attractive enough to get attention.

Lastly, I feel like there is a feeling of lost direction among many people due to the fracturing of society around us. Politicians continue to prove that party doesn’t matter and that they are basically all the same. Traditional religions are fracturing and failing at providing even the bare minimum support for individuals as their beliefs are unwilling to change to accept new scientific evidence. Modern media works tirelessly to tell us all how doomed the world is, despite evidence to the contrary. The social institutions that provide support, love, and comfort in the past have been found lacking so people are looking elsewhere to connect and find family. Festivals, particularly Burning Man and similar events, help fill that gap. At least that is why I go, because I reject violence, consumerism, religious zealotry, and the idea that I need to work in an office for most my life before I can have fun and celebrate life. Festivals give me community, love, support, and acceptance, and I think it does that for many others as well.

Cargo Cult – Burning Man 2013

As we wind our way through California’s mountainous passes it is impossible for me to not reflect on the last week I spent at Burning Man. The embers of the Temple still burn in my heart and I feel the love of that place erupting from the 70,000 spirits that have scattered across the globe, taking The Playa with them. In the end Burning Man is not a place, event, or time, it is us. Our stories, our lives, our desires and dreams, that is where the real value is, and in the end we impact each other on many levels known and unknown.

This year I did not camp with an established theme camp but our little collective of LA friends (and one last minute adopted Washingtonian) started calling ourselves Camp Sonder. The word “sonder” comes from the dictionary of obscure sorrows and is defined as “the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk.”
That is beautiful to me, and in many ways defines much of my experience out in the dust.

It is an oft repeated cliche but Burning Man really is whatever you make it, and often you don’t know what you will create until you get there. This year was like no other for me. In 2011 my mind was broken and the Playa provided healing. In 2012 my body and life was in constant movement and Black Rock City provided stability. And this year, my life is on a great path and I was given a celebration.

It has always been difficult for me to acknowledge my own successes. I feel guilty when things are going well and it feels braggy to admit life is good, but since my last Burn my life has been fucking awesome and that was reflected in my week on the Playa. I was able to spend a week with a woman that I’m crazy in love with, two of my best friends, an amazing couple from LA who I originally meet prepping for Burning Man in 2011 that I hope to know better in the coming months, and a new friend who is likely stuck with us crazy kids for a long time. I danced, I sang, I relaxed, I smiled, I loved, and I simply celebrated my life… and for once I realized that’s okay. Sometimes you just need to party. Of course, I want the only one celebrating. I was able to witness two beautiful weddings out on the Playa celebrating the love of four burner friends.

This last year has been a dynamic time where I pursued adventures, love, and happiness. I moved across the country in search of liberty instead of security and it paid off. I opened my heart to what the universe had to offer and I fell in love. I chose to be me instead of what society says I should be and things worked out better than I imagined. With the falling of the Temple my new year begins. This Burn may not have been a deep spiritual experience but it was exactly what I needed, an acknowledgement that my life is on an amazing course and when you pursue your dreams good things happen… and when good things happen you should celebrate and enjoy it.

36 Hours in the City of Good and Evil

This weekend I flew into Washington DC for a birthday party. I figure, what’s the point of being a young professional in your 30’s with no kids if you can’t jet across the country for parties from time to time. Despite the 4-hours of sleep on a red-eye, fighting with Amtrak, DC Metro, and just the general suck of the infrastructure in this city I am crazy happy that I made the trip. To be honest, I’m trying to figure out a way Anna and I can come in for a party next week where I might be able to show off my fire dancing skills a little (if I can figure a way to transport a 5’0″ fire staff on an airplane… I wonder if that is on the TSA “no-fly” list).

I’ve really found that I enjoy coming back to the District from time-to-time. I hated living here (seriously… hated it) but the people I know here are some of the greatest humans I’ve  ever encountered and they know how to party and make someone feel welcome. I have a certain level of comfort with them that I don’t often experience. As an introvert I usually hate big social events and I even had to retreat to a quiet corner a half dozen times last night just to recenter myself. It is exhausting meeting new people, I’d much rather have a small intimate conversation with close friends than be surrounded by bodies and noise.

If I’m really being honest though, there was something else on my mind from early on. I have known all week that I would be meeting a bit of a liberty internet celebrity crush of mine at this party. Having a physical, sexual attraction to someone is easy but it is often little more than fantasy in the beginning and I think one advantage of meeting people online is quickly moving to real discussions and an opportunity to develop an intellectual attraction of substance. As a poly, open, anarchist I often have to retreat to the internet to find like-minded people and because of that my social skills are often sub-par.

I found myself nervous (which is actually kind of rare) as we started talking and I was oddly aware of my mannerisms and voice patterns. The conversations we had were absolutely what I needed though. To just sit back and talk to someone about dealing with jealousy, rules we have in place with our partners, how we came to our views, and where we see ourselves in the future was a highlight of my trip. It is rare I can talk to someone in person because I spend half the time defending my personal choices or going over basics, to have a personal conversation about life from a non-judgmental person was something that has been missing from my life. I only wish we would have had more time to talk and dive into even deeper subjects and see if this can blossom into a real friendship. Of course, the idealist creative side of me is forecasting way into the future…

So, this little patch of swampland continues to redeem itself despite sitting at the center of all that is wrong with society. One of the lessons from my bike ride last summer was that people matter and that people are good, and that is why I like visiting DC, the people. I’m sure I’ll be back soon you ugly, muggy, toxic, sad, power-thirsty, hive of scum and villainy.

Good Friends, Infinite Love, and a Hot Tub – 2013 Begins

Well, it is the new year. We all successfully hung on to this rock for another trip around the sun. 2012 was a year of great transition for me in my personal and professional life but the vibe that 2013 has started with is very different. I was blessed enough to spend New Years Eve with an amazing group of people who I know mostly through Burning Man.

It is difficult to really break down how I feel around my burner friends in a situation like this. I am still very much an introvert and find myself a little anxious in big groups, even if I am familiar with most of the people. The party I went to had about 25ish people and that is over my general threshold of comfort. Luckily though I still had an amazing time even if I didn’t really talk to as many people as I would in a smaller group.

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My view of the future… face paint to avoid facial recognition technology, clothing that suits the needs of an outlaw, and a sexy beard to help spread the love.

The theme for the party was Prom 2099 and it was incredible to see everyone’s creativity bloom. There was great diversity in outfits, everything from dystopia to a rave future to planet of the apes to Bender from Futurama. One pattern I noticed was the general view that external gender markers (make up, clothing, etc) wouldn’t be really present in the future. Many men wore make-up, wigs, and tight clothes without fear of negative repercussions. I know my big blue eyes certainly sparkle with a little eye-liner. The event was incredible and with the chemicals running through my body the lights and sound produced by the dj bounced around my brain in sheer pleasure.

As is often the case with a free group like this there was great comfort with showing love and affection. There were many kisses at midnight and massages throughout the night. It wasn’t uncommon to find two people cuddling and talking that may be long time friends or just met that night. That is really what draws me to this community, the unashamed love and willingness to be individuals instead of bowing down to social norms. When I finally started to sleep cuddled at 6am in a warm blanket with Molly’s euphoric embrace flowing over my body the sounds of conversation between new friends echoed in the background.

I can’t imagine a better way to bring in the new year. I hope that his means good tidings for an upcoming year filled with community, love, and cuddling.