Alice

Recently I took some psychedelic mushrooms. Psychedelics is something that I want to like, they sound fascinating, but so far I have never had a great experience. They haven’t been bad experiences, just not really fantastic. Sure, sex is fantastic on them, but sex is fantastic sober and on MDMA. I get some visuals but my logic never really shuts down and I can’t really get into it, I enjoy the show but I know it isn’t really happening.

I also get pretty sick to my stomach put can’t induce vomiting. It distracts me and takes away from any good feelings I’m having. I also don’t really know what to do on shrooms. I was kind of trapped in the apartment because it is winter and even though I felt good I didn’t have the motivation to take more and really go down the rabbit hole. Maybe I need to do that, stop dicking around and just ingest a higher dose from the beginning instead of inching up to it.

I know what to do on MDMA, the intimacy and open communication comes naturally to me. I like talking to others, cuddling with them, massaging them, orgasming with them… but that drive really isn’t there with shrooms. Maybe I am not ready for them or maybe I need a better environment. I can kind of see how it would be fun on a nice spring day to be in a secluded natural environment and take some, but locked in a house just didn’t work for me. Ugh, I’m open to it again but so far my shroom and acid experiences have not lived up to my expectations.

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Magical Refocus

This last weekend two people who are dear to me and I decided to eat some mushroom that had psilocybin in it. I’ve done this a few times in the past with limited results, most times I feel next to nothing and feel like I just wasted $15. I did have one really good trip at Burning Man this last year and really that encouraged me to try it again.

This weekend trip was great. Like most drugs the greatest benefit for me is learning about myself and shrooms are a great tool for that. I have really settled in on the fact that drug use for me is an intimate experience and I prefer to be alone or with a small group. I also tend to like darker environments, well lit places tend to hurt my eyes (physiological or psychological?) but mostly I just feel anxious. I feel much more comfortable laying down in a soft place with low lights and my thoughts. Some people take shrooms and enjoy laughing and talking, that’s great for them but not for me. I do think that with the right people and mood tripping could be an incredibly sensual and intimate experience for people who love each other to share, hopefully I get to really dive into that in the future.

Anyway, I really did some analysis into myself to look at my own prejudices and what I want in the future. I feel much more refocused to work on my writing and am starting on that tonight. By coincidence a image came across my Facebook feed yesterday as well that really struck a cord and I’ve included it below. I feel like my book is really starting to get some structure in my mind and I’m excited about the future. Hopefully as I write I will actually be able to hash out some of my ideas and spend some time proof-reading and refining. I never proof-read and I constantly find errors in my writing, it works for a blog because I do this for me and I don’t care, it won’t work for a book though.

A quote that caught my eye…

“We realize that by always orienting ourselves toward future achievements, we have never lived in the present and, in a sense, never really fully lived at all. The larger the scope of various existential crutches we have managed to accumulate, the more we have to let go of, and the harder the process of dying will be for us.”

– The Ultimate Journey, Stanislav Grof