The Future

Making plans for the long-term is a funny thing. It is almost always out of our control and the universe has a way of throwing us unexpected curveballs, but we humans insist on making plans and pursuing them. This doesn’t seem to be a bad idea as long as you don’t continue down a failed or impossible path because you refuse to reevaluate your plans. I am no different than anyone else in this respect. I make plans… no specifics or expectations but I do try to align myself along a certain path and make preparations for where I think my life is going. This last week was an eye-opener in that respect and I have begun to make more plans for life after the 2-year bicycle ride.

We have all heard the cliche that you should do what you are passionate about. Your career, your life, your happiness can (should?) all be aligned. To be honest, until recently this never really rang true in my life, at least not in a long-term sense. I’ve had jobs in many places but nothing that really kept me passionate or in one place/career for long. I think that may be changing though. I have found what I am passionate about…. sex. Not just having an orgasm (that is awesome too) but about helping people and relationships deal with unhealthy views of sex. Particularly people who don’t fall into traditional orientations. I want to help individuals and couples dealing with the issues that are somewhat unique to LGBT, polyamorous, and sexually open relationships. People who would normally not be able to go to a therapist for fear of being judged, over analyzed, or told they should stop their non-traditional life to find happiness.

Luckily, I have a friend who is interested in going along a similar path. After literally dozens of hours talking we have a little plan… a plan that may shift, alter, and change but it is at least a guideline. While on my bike ride I am going research programs to get into Marriage and Family Therapy with a specialization in sex, I need to study and take the GRE’s, read all the literature we can get our hands on, and also work on getting any necessary prereq’s out of the way via free online programs or community college online courses. I am confident this can be done while on the trail.

After getting into and finishing a program my friend and I would like to set up a practice together. As a male/female team who has overlapping but different interests I think our practice could be incredibly successful. The end goal isn’t simply a practice in a city though. We would also like to round out our education with yoga and massage therapy, and then put together retreats to peaceful locations that people can sign up for. These retreats could have a variety of uses… single people dealing with sex or body issues, couples looking to bring together more intimacy and exploration, or some other random awesomeness we haven’t solidified. In addition, we may also jointly do some research or write a book or three together. 

All in all, I am excited. It has been a long time since I was really passionate or interested in a particular career or skill set. Hopefully following this path will continue to lead me to a happy life. If people have any recommendations, resources, or whatever I am always open to advice. 

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Dating Just to Date

My roommate and I found ourselves discussing dating for some reason tonight. It is a subject that comes up regularly, I think because nobody in this house really falls into the traditional model of dating. I was raised to believe that the purpose of dating was simply to find the “one and only” and served no purpose other than that. If you were with someone who you couldn’t see yourself with long-term (or forever) then you shouldn’t be with them… dating is a means to an end, and not an end itself. In my old age now I don’t think this is right for most people, particularly people in college and early career (or adventuring) phases.

I’ve been around the block a time or two. I’ve dated a few people, been engaged once, and had friendships to varying degrees from bang-buddies to deep non-sexual friends. Sadly, there is a lot of pressure to settle for a person if you love them, even if there are important parts of your future plans that don’t align. We are told that things will just work out, which roughly translates to one of you will give up, give in, and possibly harbor resentment. It seems there must be a better way, I believe we should encourage dating just for dating sake.

The women I have loved have wonderful lives, probably in part because we broke up. But our relationships were not failed relationships. They involved two people who had adventures and experiences together, challenged each others beliefs, and had a lot of damn fun. I learned a lot about myself during that time, and because of those lessons I am a better partner now to my current lover. Dating should be a way to explore how you handle emotions, intellectual stimulation, new sexual experiences, and explore new cultures and environments. Maybe you find someone you can do that forever with, but more likely than not most of your relationships will end, but again, that doesn’t mean they are failures.

There are so many people in this world. There is no reason to settle quickly when your long-term goals don’t quite match up. If you want kids and your partner doesn’t it is better to enjoy the dating and end it when it is time to move on instead of abandoning the things that are important to you. Whether it is marriage itself, children, or your lifestyle choices you can find someone that matches up… and the search is a lot of fun.

If I could go back and talk to my past self I would encourage younger Peter to enjoy dating more, stop looking for “the one and only”, and look at each relationship as a success if you learned something from it or had great memories. There is no rush to lifelong partnership, in fact, it is all a journey… something to be enjoyed and experienced as fully as possible. And even if the person you are dating is a perfect match there is no rush to marry because there is a lot of life ahead of you. You can marry at 30 and still have plenty of kids or whatever else you want. Don’t rush younger Peter, enjoy the ride.