Yesterday I posted my thoughts on a recent “Sex Commandments” ad by Max Arousal. Sex was on my mind this morning when I woke up and I realized I there was one more suggestion that I’d like to add to my list.
11a. Seek improvement. No matter how much you love someone your sex life will eventually get pretty boring (or non-existent) over time. Seeking advice and information from others can be hugely beneficial. Whether it is columnist Dan Savage, YouTube star Laci Green, or reading books like Sex At Dawn or The Ethical Slut, increasing your knowledge about sex and applying that to your relationship can help keep the spice.
11b. Talk to your partner(s) about what you are learning. In high school I heard the best advice for sex. Now, I wasn’t the one having sex. Conservative geeks who play Star Trek: TNG CCG, wear dc Talk t-shirts, and hang out in the drama department don’t get laid much in high school. I was also saving myself for marriage at the time so I wasn’t exactly pursuing it. No, the lesson I heard was from other students talking in my German class, I don’t remember who they were but it was irrelevant. The conversation went something like this…
- Student One: “My girlfriend and I are getting close to sex but we can’t seem to be able to discuss it”
- Student Two: “Really? How do you know you are ready for sex then?”
- Student One: “I don’t know. We are just heading that way and it seems inevitable”
- Student Two: “Talk to her about it. If you can’t discuss your boundaries you aren’t ready for sex”
I think student two is correct. Once you know your desires you need to be comfortable communicating them.