Lessons from an 8-Month Old

I’m currently babysitting a 8-month old baby for two of my dearest friends for a few days. This may come as a surprise to many people due to my outspoken disinterest in having my own children, but I actually don’t mind kids… as long as my responsibility for them is temporary. Anyway, I’ve been having a good time with this kid and she has taught me these important life lessons so far:

  • Babies can tell good music from bad music. I, on the other hand, cannot.
  • Poop makes me gag
  • When all else fails, just put it in your mouth.
  • When a baby is sleeping you have two contradictory desires. You want the baby to sleep soundly so that you can rest or be productive, but you also want the baby to make noise so that you know it isn’t dead.
  • I can be crazy productive in my day. Having a baby with a nap schedule forces me to use time more wisely and I’ve actually been better about eating right, working out, writing, doing work, reading, learning German, and meditating this week than I have for a long, long time.
  • Sometimes happiness comes from someone making bizarre noises and flailing their arms around for your entertainment.
  • I don’t have enough fun in the bathtub. I need to add some joy to that time instead of just business.
  • Adult plates and silverware are bland and boring looking
  • The sound of a child coughing can wake you from a deep sleep and prevent you from falling asleep again
  • Someone is making a shitton of money off of baby books and they have no content.
  • Somehow you can get poop in your own hair
  • Sleeping in a sleep sack with sleeves looks way more comfortable than your standard blanket. It is like a cocoon of comfort.
  • Black and white baby video monitors show just enough detail to make you think the baby’s arm fell off
  • There is no natural shame in pooping in front of your friends while you are eating
  • The appropriate number of naps per day is 4
  • My dog gets jealous and depressed when we give the baby attention
  • Not reproducing was the right decision for me. I will gladly babysit for a weekend or a week (this is actually pretty fun), and maybe we will adopt a child someday, but I am not into raising my own baby.

There might be more lessons in the coming days but those are what the first 36 hours have taught me. If anything more comes to mind I will edit this post.

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