My Water Bottle Still Tastes Like Gin

Caution: This post contains adult language and discussion. This was originally posted on our bike blog “Barely Functional Adults” on May 27th.

Our time in Arcata staying with Belle and her roommates continued to be awesome. We were able to hit up a Redwood Curtain Brewing company and get kind of shitfaced. They are a new brewery but had some delicious beers. We kept up our normal pattern of getting a flight of beers and then having a full glass of each of our favorites… except this night we got two glasses each. Our metabolism is pretty high so we get drunk pretty quickly.

We left the brewery and drunkenly biked back to Belle’s place, except first we stopped by the local store to get noms. Biking drunk is not smart. Sometimes we are not smart. When we got back to the house we realized we forgot to buy more beer so Anna and Hans went back to the store, which was only a few blocks away. I took this opportunity to drunkenly comment on Facebook and offer to send pictures of my penis to anyone on Snapchat who wanted them… there were several takers. Some people requested it after I sobered up but I didn’t send those, not because I am opposed to it but because I kind of ran out of time and energy. Don’t worry snapchatters, there will be more opportunities. (Sidenote: if for some reason you want a picture of my dick my name is pneiger on Snapchat. I don’t even care if I know you… it is just a penis, no big deal).

While I was getting out some of my exhibitionist tendencies Anna and Hans were having their own little adventure. Their drunken trip to the store involved being hit on by a couple of guys, which Hans loved, and not-so-subtly stealing malt balls from the bulk bin. I’m sure they thought they were stealthy but were probably caught on video camera and a number of customers and avoided a meeting with the police due to the laziness of employees working late night on Saturdays at grocery stores. The cashier was less than amused by the drunk cyclists checking out for a second time in less than 30 minutes. Maybe he was jealous…

Anyway, Anna and Hans got home with the beer, etc but Anna and I decided we wanted to bang. We set up the tent in the backyard to have a little privacy. We actually don’t care about privacy that much (I mean, we went to the Orgy Dome at Burning Man a bunch of times and have no problem just being naked) but even though our hostess was pretty sex positive we didn’t think she would appreciate us going at it on the couch, at least not without a heads up. We were kind of interrupted by her roommate’s, friend’s dog who went outside with the roommate’s friend to use the bathroom. I wish I could say she didn’t know what was going on but the unstaked tent was definitely rocking and we were both too drunk to be quiet or care. Also, interrupting sex should be like interrupting someone while they are eating, maybe not perfect timing but certainly not a big deal. It is just sex. So, we had some vigorous, long, drunken sex and it was wonderful. It made my piercing hurt the next morning but it is still worth it… damn, I hope this piercing heals completely soon, I’m tired of having a sore dick after heavy sex.

The next day we joined Belle, her boyfriend, her roommate, and her roommate’s friend (ugh, I should have given them all fake names) at the Kinetic Sculpture Race. Okay, so Belle, the Beast, Elsa, and Merida (also not sure why I’m using Disney characters) were at the Kinetic Sculpture Race and we joined them. Of course, we got separated about 4 minutes after leaving the house but we move slow so that is expected, we caught up with them eventually at the first check point. The race was a lot of fun and we had a bunch of gin and ginger ale in our water bottles, so we got daydrunk. It has been a while since I have been daydrunk and I remembered too late that it tends to put me in a grumpy mood if I can’t nap. I’m not really sure what is going on with me lately, I’ve been kind of grumpy often. I think it is because I am introverted and haven’t had a lot of alone time, we have all talked about how we need to find a way to recharge alone and pair off occasionally to reconnect with each other. Oh well, just another thing to think about and figure out in this new lifestyle.

Unfortunately, we had to leave Arcata the next morning. Our hostess was fucking awesome… such an amazing person, I hope she is in our life forever. I know I say things like that a lot, but the truth is there are so many amazing people in this world. My favorite thing about our trip is getting to meet them and count them among my friends, and thanks to the wonderful technologically advanced society we live in I don’t have to lose them just because we live far apart.

We took off fairly early Sunday morning and headed north again towards Crescent City, which is the next place we planned on having a multi-day break. We got about 10 miles out of Arcata before we stopped for a quick break in McKinleyville. During this break Anna and Hans went into a store to get some stuff while I stood outside and watched the bikes when I was approached by a guy named Paul. He was wearing kind of dirty army pants and carrying a duffle bag and he started asking me about the bikes and such. After a short conversation he asked me if I knew anything about the McKinleyville area. I told him I didn’t and that we were just passing through, that is when he gave me a history of the area.

It turns out that McKinleyville has never been featured on the History channel because there is a secret military base 90 miles underneath the city. The only way to find the base is to look at the small stones scattered across the city that have numbers engraved on them. He showed me a few of the stones he had been collecting that day. When he emptied his pockets there were about a dozen stones, two quarters, and two caps that usually go on the containers that heroin is sold in. He later told me he collects the caps to keep them away from kids.

As I talked to him about government conspiracies, hidden treasure maps on the rocks, Bigfoot’s home at the top of redwood trees, the ancient Mayan engravings on the rocks, and several other things I realized that Paul was harmless, though not completely on the same level as most people. It is easy to laugh or dismiss him as some “crazy homeless guy” but really he is a result of the policies we, as a society, decide to allow. A drug war that would rather criminalize addiction instead of treat it. A country that lacks mental health help for those who need it. I don’t know if Paul could clinically diagnosed with something, I saw nothing more than some paranoia and conspiracies coupled with at least moderate drug use, but that doesn’t mean any of us should ignore the people in our community that need help.

Anna and Hans eventually returned from the store and the three of us got on our way. Paul gave me a stone with a Mayan bird engraved on it by extraterrestrials and waved us off. We knocked out another 15 miles or so before we came to College Cove in Trinidad. College Cove is a clothing-optional beach where we took our first biker butt photo for our GoFundMe donors. We are not really sure if nudity is allowed at the beach or merely tolerated but that didn’t stop us. The cove was absolutely stunning, probably the most beautiful beach I have ever been too, but everyone on it was clothed… it was kind of chilly so that is justified I guess. We waited until we had a little relative privacy before setting up the shot, dropping our pants, and taking the picture. We all really love to be naked and enjoy environments where that is supported or allowed, and we plan on many more similar pictures in the future, even if they are just for us. In fact, we took another booty shot in the middle of the road on a mountain pass just for the hell of it.

That night we camped at Patrick’s Point with a couple other hiker/biker’s travelling the coast. One of the couples was probably in their 50′s and travelling the 1500ish miles from Astoria to San Diego. Man, people like that inspire me. I don’t know if they are lifelong adventurers or just decided not to let age be a factor but seeing people who continue to rock regardless of age is incredible. There are so few legitimate excuses to not live your dreams.

We left Patrick’s Point onto a very misty Highway 101. The weather was wet and kind of cold… almost creepy as we coasted down the hill out of the forest. On the side of the road was an all too familiar site, a bicycle painted ghost white to mark where a cyclist lost his life. It is always sobering. Up in this area it was likely an adventure cyclist like us. There aren’t a lot of daily commuters or weekend warriors riding the misty highways through the mountains. The man who died was likely someone who knew the risks, and died doing what he loves. I guess that is a question we all must ask ourselves, are we willing to risk our lives in order to live? I know I am, though I don’t really fear death. I don’t know what happens afterwards, my best guess is that my time dead will be similar to the billions of years before I was born… but maybe not, maybe one of the religions or spiritual practices is kind of right but I’m comfortable with that too. It is probable that we will all die eventually, though I am still a transhumanist anarchist (neither death, nor taxes)… I think that humans can live without coercive government and will find a way to eliminate the disease of death, maybe even in my lifetime.

Our ride continued over some moderate hills and beautiful environments (we even saw live Elk chilling by the road) into Klamath, a cool little river town with a strong native American presence. We ended up staying at Klamath’s Camper Corral. At first we thought we were getting a good deal, the manager (Roy) lowered the price for us and told us that there really weren’t a lot of options further north. He lied to us. When we left the next morning we saw at least a half dozen camping areas within 5 miles. The thing is, if he had told us the truth we would have stayed with them anyway. People like that, people who will be dishonest to make $25 are part of the image problem business people face, he put making a profit over being a good person… I guess it is possible he didn’t know there were other campgrounds further north, but given his 8 years living in the area it seems doubtful. Fuck you Roy.

We left Camper Corral fairly early today (Tuesday) and hit the road. We knew we only had 20 miles, but one big fucking hill, before arriving at Crescent City. Because of the circumstances Hans faced today (cold weather, fairly windy, sweaty from bike riding, and no bra) she has declared a new weekly holiday, Nipple Tuesday. She encourages everyone to let those nipples and areola’s show every Tuesday (or really any day) in solidarity. No shame in showing the nips.

The hill today was kind of tough but we allotted a lot of time and now are resting easy in the St. John’s Church in Crescent City. This wonderful church is on WarmShowers and they have a full kitchen, sleeping space, bathroom, and wifi for travelers. They’ve had over 50 people come through this year alone and it is a great resource for those passing through. We are actually here with four other people (two groups of two) so we are making friends. Our plans right now are to spend two nights here so Anna can work, we can restock, rest up a bit, and get some bike maintenance done. Then it is just over 110 miles over some mountains to Medford, Oregon to visit my brother-from-another-mother. I can’t wait.

Defecating on Immortals

Caution: This post contains adult language and discussion. This was originally posted on our bike blog “Barely Functional Adults” on May 23rd.

Part of my intentions for this blog is accurately share what we experience. Often I fail, that is the nature of writing, language, and I guess all types of art. What I am feeling or what I intend the message to be gets lost sometimes due to me doing a shitty job or because I kind of do a stream-of-consciousness style writing where I don’t proof-read before posting. There are some cases when the intention of the artist is irrelevant, in that case the art is open to interpretation by the observer… I don’t consider this blog one of those cases. This is supposed to be a true story with all the ups and downs of our little friend-family and I try to represent it clearly and accurately. I also try to represent things as we see them, not just as I see them. I fuck up though, my ego, identity, and such gets in the way on a subconscious level and I struggle to remember this is “our journey” not “my journey”.

So, after reading my last post I felt there was some stuff unclear and things were not portrayed as I wish. It is true that I was irked by the change in plans but that wasn’t because of the specifics involved, that was purely an internal issue of mine. It was one that I need to work on and the events are proof of how fucking awesome things are when you let go of planning and expectations to embrace the now. Jesus joining us turned out to be a major highlight of the ride and we all wish he could join us more and in the future. There are certain souls that you meet and feel united with, certain people who you think you can learn from and want in your life, Jesus was one of those people. Luckily, the universe seems to have a way of keeping those people in your life, call it fate, ka, ka-tet, power of attraction, or just human nature, but it happens. Strong bonds of similar material are not easily broken.

I will keep doing my best to portray our journey as a group, and not just as an individual. I’ll probably fuck up again but two amazing people, one dog, and a reader or three to keep me in line or call me on my shit. Also, I will call myself out because writing is what I love and I want to do it well.

Alright, now where were we on our ride… shit, I can’t remember so I gotta check the last blog post again. BRB

That’s right, we were in Fort Bragg and about to head out. The ride along the coast on Highway 1 continued to be beautiful and provide us with amazing scenery. It is interesting how you get used to things though, no matter how beautiful a site is when you first see it you eventually get used to it and it becomes boring. That seems to be an evolved trait for humans, whether it is a partner, food, or environment it doesn’t matter how much you love it you will eventually get kind of bored with it. The view along the 1 didn’t really suffer from this because the scenes change regularly, even the beaches morph from sand to rocks to cliffs and moving at about 8mph keeps things changing regularly.

Once we got to the Lost Coast we left the ocean behind for a few days as the route took us inland into the redwoods and over a bunch of shitty hills. We have started seeing a lot more cyclists similar to us. They aren’t dressed in bright jerseys with 5 oz bicycles, nope they are dirty, sweaty, with tents on their backs and huge smiles on their faces. These are adventurers who see the bicycle as a particular tool instead of the purpose of the experience. We’ve met Australians, Swedes, Danes, and other Americans plowing their way up and down the coast looking for a good time. Despite being fairly introverted we have had some conversations with these social rebels and it is inspiring. Maybe someday we can visit their land and get some riding in.

Most of our nights have been spent either stealth camping in random off-road places or using the state parks (which usually have $5 hiker/biker rates up here… fucking glorious). Off-road camping is our preferred because it is free, but sometimes there are non-monetary costs. We were camping under some redwoods at an abandoned park or something that a logging company made when gross struck our little family. Higgs was off wandering around off-leash when he apparently found some feces to roll in. He came trotting back with a grin on his face but was reeking of poop. The poop also had maggots in it. Poop. Maggots. Maggots in poop. Because we were off road there was not any running water to use so Anna cleaned him with baby wipes… so now our dog smelled like shit and baby wipes. He is a constant reminder why we never want kids. I’m pretty sure it was human shit too.

After finishing up Highway 1 (sad panda) we got onto the 101 and headed deep into the redwoods. Of course there were tons of tourist trap shit… “oh look at the magic Confusion Hill, you’ll never believe how physics is defied!!!!!” Blargh. I’m also not giving you $5 to look at a big tree you can drive a car thru when there are a ton of trees to be viewed for free in nature. We were only on the 101 for a few miles before we camped out at a local campground near Leggett. Leggett was a bitter-sweet place and is proof that Google is not yet omniscient. Supposedly Leggett has a market, hotel, cafe, and a gas station, in reality they have a gas station and a market 2 miles away up a big damn hill. The market was actually pretty good though so once we resupplied our food our spirits lifted up. It is such a mindfuck when you plan on arriving at a location only to find you have two more miles up a hill before your day is even near being done.

The next day we ended up taking a break in a town called Garberville, home of a weed college. Normally, that would be awesome. We aren’t really weed smokers but we support full legalization and usually get along well with those who smoke (or vape, or brownie, or however kids do the marijuana in this day and age). Garberville wasn’t a great town though, there was clearly tension between the large number of tye-died, scruffy dog owners who seemed to just hang out on corners and occasionally strum a guitar and the business owners in the town. There were “no loitering” and “no panhandling” signs everywhere. Ironically, there were also a lot of “now hiring” signs. The coffee shop we stopped at even limited wireless access to 1 hour unless you kept purchasing things. The feeling was the opposite of Arcata (where I am now sitting) where there are tons of dreadlocked, tye-died individuals but they are all working at coffee counters and grocery stores. There is definitely some grad school level sociological research that could be done comparing Arcata and Garberville.

 

We left Garberville in the afternoon and took a break from the 101 to ride The Avenue of the Giants. The Avenue of the Giants. I swear, whoever named these places are awesome in my book. I feel like I am seeing signs for an old 90′s era RPG. When we got to the entrance of the Avenue there was a sign telling us where we were… only it was completely wrong (see photo below). The sign, which I assume was put up by a government agency, said that we were on the north entrance when we were really nearly 40 miles away at the southern entrance. As some kind stranger points out, that is the worst possible mistake they could make. This kind of highlights the difference between government and private market. Businesses certainly have errors like this but it is in their best interest to correct it as soon as possible, no business is going to allow a map, billboard, or other advertisement stay in circulation if it sends all the customers in the opposite direction. Government agents have no real incentive to correct this type of mistake.

The Avenue of the Giants is an incredibly 30-mile route through giant redwoods. I felt like I was playing the Cruisin’ Earth arcade game, except instead of a humvee that shot flames out of the tailpipe I had a bicycle named Harmony… and instead of a shitty soundtrack I had a Spotify 2000′s Rock Hits… and instead of finish lines and bikini-clad 2D women I had the greatest fucking family ever, even though we smell like dirty hippy. But other than all that stuff it was just like the game, only better. We took a ton of pictures (check ourFacebook page). We camped out at one point under some redwoods, which is apparently a bad idea because they can kill you with falling branches, but it worked for us. There is a strange absence of sound or life under the redwoods because they prevent sunlight from really getting to the ground. Being without infrastructure means you sometimes have to shit in the woods and I did that on a tree that is over 500 years old. It is kind of strange to look at a living creature that was around before Columbus landed as you defecate on it.

Leaving the Avenue for the 101 again was bittersweet. The highway is flatter but the views not nearly as beautiful, though crossing the Eel River over and over again was quite amazing. I’m terrified of heights though and got nervous sometimes while riding. I don’t know how tall people cross bridges, just the extra 3-4 inches that riding gives me makes me feel so top heavy that I constantly fear I will somehow fly over the railings. I end up taking up a lane of traffic out of fear, especially if the wind is blowing.

We found a campground in Fortuna to spend the night and rest. We had a good day, close to 50 miles, and really wanted a beer. Lucky for us Eel River Brewery was less than 1/2 mile away from the campground. So we showered, put on clothes that only moderately smelled like a locker room, and got ourselves some brew. I got pretty wasted, which everyone on Facebook knows thanks to my “Peter Patter” of constant stream-of-thought random updating that I tend to do while intoxicated. I’m always a little embarrassed the next morning but people seem to have fun, there was even a pretty thorough debate on shower sex and 69ing (awesome or overrated?) and the use of chains, ropes, and other BDSM tools in the bedroom/bathroom/bang palace of choice.

We kept on plowing through miles and arrived in the town of Eureka whose primary economic force seemed to be meth and sadness. It was in a CVS parking lot that part of my bike exploded. One of these days I’ll learn the proper name of bike parts but lets just say the insides of my rear wheel went everywhere… ball bearings, grease, and my dreams scattered around. Luckily there was a local bike shop about a mile away so Anna and I walked up there to see if they could help us out… and fuck yes they did. They hooked me up with a new wheel pretty cheap and this also seemed to help me with a derailer problem I had been having. We lost a couple hours but it could have been worse, if this would have happened on another day it may have been 50 miles or more to the nearest shop. We got lucky this time, but that will likely not always be the case. We have just accepted there may be a day when one of our bikes is unrepairable while we are in the middle of nowhere. Oh well, we will burn that bridge when we get there.

So, a few hours behind schedule but we arrived in Arcata where we got a couchsurfing hook-up from Jesus and plan on spending a few days. Our hostess, Belle, is really awesome and we all stayed up late drinking beers and talking last night. Her and her partner are definitely the type of people that we hit it off with immediately. Their home had all kinds of signs that we would get along, including an anarchy symbol on the calendar, a bumper sticker that said “Make Love, Not Babies”, and just a general open atmosphere. In fact, this whole city seems to have that type of atmosphere and we are looking forward to spending a few nights here. We even happen to be here when they are having some sort of statue race… it sounds like you just get to drink and party all day, which is amazing to us. After this we head up to Crescent City and into Oregon.

So, this isn’t really related to the ride but there are two things I’d like to share with this little audience. First, our friend-family was accepted to camp with “And Then There’s Only Love” at Burning Man. They are home of the Orgy Dome that was an incredible experience for Anna and I last year. It wasn’t really an orgy when we were there, more like a bunch of couples having sex in the same room, but it was so much fun we went back several times. It is great to be in an open, intimate, sensual, sexy place. It helps fulfill my love of more variety and strengthens our relationship, I’m sure this year will be a similar experience and we are excited to join such a great group.

Secondly, I want to recommend everyone check out the book Opening Up by Tristan Taormino. It is about non-monogamous relationships but I think everyone could learn something from it, whether you are polyamorous, monogamous, or something in between. I know it has really been eye-opening and informative for me as my partner and I navigate our monogamish relationship. It is an easy read and even monogamous couples could learn something about communicating and it can help us all be more supportive and accepting of our different relationship orientations.

A Dab Will Do Ya!!!

Pre-Post: This is pretty much an uncensored version of the events of our bike ride. If you are uncomfortable hearing about sex, drugs, profanity, etc you should check follow our PG-version at www.10LegsWillTravel.wordpress.com . This is a warning. If you don’t want to hear about these adult actions please leave now. This was originally posted on our bike blog “Barely Functional Adults” on May 16th. We are getting into a decent routine and pattern in our nomadic life so I may start doing some more original, non-bike ride related blogging here again soon.

 

The home we were couchsurfing at in Petaluma was an absolutely gorgeous home on a farm just outside of town. Our hosts were a great couple who had some kids in college and turned the extra bedrooms into a place for couchsurfers and such to crash. They made us a great curry which we scarfed down while making small talk but we went to bed pretty early. Part of me hates that we don’t get to spend more time with our hosts, they have been such great people but we are usually really beat by time we come riding up to the door. It is especially difficult when a host family has incredibly soft beds, blankets, and pillows… these ones were unbelievable. I have wet dreams about sleeping in them. I almost quit the bike ride and begged to be adopted. If heaven exists then it is filled with beds like that and glorious curry.

 

After a restful night’s sleep we started riding north again to the town of Sebastopol where we could stop, get coffee, and chill for a bit. The city had kind of a hippy vibe but was terrible for bikes… the roads sucked, the people sucked, everything made me want to get out of the city. And to put salt into our wounds a local food/drink place called Tea Infusions advertised a ton of vegetarian/vegan options, including a chocolate peanut butter cheesecake, but they didn’t have any. Apparently their website’s purpose is to create hope and inspire dreams only to throw them to the ground, stomp and spit on them, and then hit you in the throat with a golf club. Regardless, Anna got some work done and we continued on our way to Windsor.

 

The ride during all this time is kind of boring. The vineyards and rolling hills all kind of blend together and the lack of diversity makes the miles seem to pass more slowly. It has been pretty similar for days and when we arrived in Windsor we were ready for a break. Our plan was to go further that day but I think we were all pretty mentally exhausted and happy to grab a spot at a local sketchy RV Park that allowed tent campers. The park was filled with broken down vehicles, abandoned buildings, and overgrown fields. Basically, it was the beginning of a horror movie… but that’s cool, I love horror movies and know how to survive.

 

Wanna race?

 

We were happy to get on the road the next morning and get on with the ride. We stopped in Healdsburg for some beer from Bear Republic and then moved on past Geyserville where we found a place to camp near a freeway overpass. I saw a skunk that night and stayed up way too late reading The Hunger Games (my cousin gave me a Kindle and I figured I’d read it before I wipe the thing clean and link my account… man, Katniss is one cool chick). Basically this day did not really have anything exciting happen.

 

 

None of us got great sleep that night. The sleeping conditions weren’t great, I got too little sleep thanks to my unquenchable love for dystopian romance novels, and lots of critters came around the tent waking us up. We kept on moving and finally made it to Cloverdale where we were going to solidify our plans through a couple of days of riding that didn’t have any real cities. Our plans changed that day because Hans bang-buddy from Santa Rosa (let’s call him Jesus because he has an enviable beard, silky soft flowing hair, and I don’t want to use real names of people unless I ask) wanted to meet up with us for a day or three.

 

Now, I have a shitty habit of getting kind of annoyed when plans change. It passes after about 30 minutes but I tend to just kind of sulk until it passes. It sucks. I hate it. I want to change it but I’m not there yet and this happened when I found out Jesus would be joining us. The three of us had some kind of tense silent treatment and conversations during our coffee/shopping break in Cloverdale. I wish it could all be wonderful rim-jobs and rose petals but we are humans and that means we will sometimes get on each other’s nerves and have conflict. Luckily we all fucking love each other and are rational people so we can overcome any problems.

 

So, when we left Starbucks I was still kind of in a sour mood but we agreed to go to Ruth McGowan’s brewery (WE LOVE BEER) for a quick drink. As is often the case the quick drink took longer than expected because we met a kick-ass couple named Tidus and Yuna. They bought us a round of drinks, we talked about a bunch of adventures… they even gifted us half a joint and gave Higgs-Nasty a gourmet dog treat (which I didn’t really know existed). By the way, if you ever meet adventurers on the road and enjoy their company it is always wonderful to buy a round of beers or food or supplies for them. We love it. (Shameless Plug: Want to donate to us so we can fight off bears, drink beer, pay bail, and see wonderful parts of this continent? Want some cash to go to Karma Rescue where we got Higgins? Want a postcard from a random place or a picture of our biker butts? Check out our GoFundMe!)

 

After a couple hours at the brewery we hit the road determined to put down some miles, but knowing we had a shitty hill ahead of us. It was pretty terrible but we are getting used to terrible hills, they are just part of the experience and in some ways make us really feel like we’ve earned some of the amazing sights. We camped that night on a random spot about 10 feet from a road. It was another time when none of us knew the legality of what we did but we didn’t have a lot of options, besides we figure most cops are probably fairly decent people and won’t arrest us for trying to be safe. Regardless, I slept like a rock due to lack of sleep and nobody really bothered us except a small pack of coyotes (or some other dog) that howled in the distance for a bit.

 

The ride the next day was pretty easy, only a quick 20 miles to Boonville where we were meeting Jesus at Anderson Valley Brewing Company. Oh man, they have some great beers. Their Summer Solstice tastes like alcoholic cream soda, mmmm, I can’t stop thinking about it now. We had several beers, rested a bit, and got ready to go again when two awesome things happened. First, some random guy gave us a huge nugget of weed (I actually don’t smoke much weed so I have no idea if nugget is an appropriate description but whatever) that was like 1/3 the size of my fist. Welcome to Northern California.

 

Second, Hans met this girl in the bathroom who is a photographer and she wanted to take some pictures of us, including a couple of Polaroids that we have with us now. She was absolutely wonderful and a real pleasure to meet and pose for. I am usually kind of awkward when my photo is being taken but she had a calming effect and really got some great images of us. I hope she reads this blog and contacts us so that we can see the images when she puts them online.

 

After the great time at the brewery we all decided to have Jesus join us for a couple days of camping and floating on the river. He offered to take all of our equipment, including Higgins, in his truck so we could ride more comfortably. Oh man, what a difference. I had become pretty used to the 100+ lbs of gear I have and once I was free of it I felt like I was flying down the road. We made the 10ish miles to the campground incredibly fast. It was the tits.

 

 

 

The campground was a great little county park under the redwoods along a river. It didn’t allow RV’s which we like. Places that allow tents only tend to be a lot cheaper and not have all the unnecessary amenities like electricity and water at each campsite. We played in the river (Higgs first time), grilled up some food, and got a great night’s sleep before another day on the river.

 

The next day we rode without equipment again a few miles to a river access where we floated inJesus’ raft, drank a bunch of beer, and let our muscles and minds relax. We had been going pretty non-stop since Santa Rosa so a little day’s rest was perfect. None of us really wanted it to end but we had a few more miles to put down before camping again, this time on the beach as we got out of the woods and wine country for a while and back to the coast.

 

 

 

 

The 10 miles or so before reaching the beach on Highway 128 was the best ride so far for us. It helped to be sans equipment but the beauty of riding through the beginning of the redwoods is impossible to capture in words. If you ever get a chance to ride your bike along the slight downhill on 128 you should do it, you won’t regret it. The ride is easy, the road well paved, the trees keep the hot sun off your face, and life is just so perfect. It really has made us anxious to see some more of this beautiful world and experience it on bike where you feel the wind, smell the environment, notice temperature changes, and really feel connected to nature in a way that seems impossible behind a screen or window.

 

The beach we stayed at was at the intersection of 128 and Highway 1. It seemed little known but fairly well maintained. The dogs loved playing on the beach (Jesus brought his two boxers) and we loved having a long afternoon to hang out around the fire and let our bodies rest. It was also nice to have separate tents so that we could have a bit more privacy sexin’ each other up. Anna and I clearly don’t have a problem with Hans being around but it was nice to not worry too much about waking anyone up. I know she was happy to have a couple days getting laid by Jesus as well. We left fairly early the next morning but Hans rode in the truck with Jesus while Anna and I hit the road on bikes for the 20 mile ride up the coast to Fort Bragg where we were spending the day and then meeting our friends Wakka and Lulu for a couple days in an Airbnb home.

 

Fort Bragg was a lot of fun. The weather was beautiful when we arrived so we went to the Glass Beach that had a bunch of sanded down glass bottles as sand. Jesus had to be on his way back to Santa Rosa pretty early so we said our good-byes and headed up to meet our friends at the Airbnb place, a gorgeous home with some gardens, animals, and probably the coolest atmosphere I’ve ever seen in a home. We have found there is a correlation between people owning chickens and being awesome (not roosters though, fuck roosters). I don’t think we will ever stay in a hotel again if there is an Airbnb option… the price is usually about the same but the atmosphere and amenities are 1,000,000 times better.

 

 

Wakka and Lulu arrived a couple hours after us and we had lots of warm greetings, but our night was just getting started. We had some MDA with us and all decided to party a bit for the night. We actually thought it was MDMA but after taking it and doing a little research we were likely wrong. This is why it is important to use a test kit before trying a new batch of drugs. I usually have one but didn’t carry it on the ride. MDA and MDMA taste pretty similar, though the coloring was a little off which should have been a warning. We also heard from some friends who took some of the same batch and they said it was really intense/different than prior batches of MDMA (we were told they are Moon Rocks but I don’t think they were). Because of their warning we started off slower than normal, I took 100mg instead of the 150mg that I normally start a night of home rolling with and even that was a bit too much.

 

We all had a really good time though, despite the different drug. MDA didn’t quite have the euphoric or cuddling effects as MDMA, and it didn’t make you energetic, but we did get some cool psychedelic visuals and mental hallucinations where you kind of get stuck in your head. It also chilled us all out and we spent some time massaging, cuddling, and just enjoying each other. Hans and I also were able to talk a bit about our prior disagreements, which was really nice. We all swear by using MDMA to help resolve problems in relationships, open the doors of communication, and solidify love and intimacy. Fuck the DEA and government in general for taking this wonderful tool out of doctor’s hands. It is evil that they would keep medicine from people who are hurting. Ugh. I don’t want to go down that road right now, I’m in too good of mood and talking about those evil parasites who see prohibition of medicine as good always gets me riled up.

 

So, after a night of rolling (is it called that with MDA?) we slept in and slowly recovered from the hangover, which was substantially more than MDMA. We felt groggy and kind of light-headed but mustered up the motivation to go to North Coast Brewery and the beach again. The weather was a little ugly but we still had a good time. Once we returned to the home we got some more rest, I watched some House on Netflix, ate a pizza, and zonked out early.

 

Now we are still in Fort Bragg but camping nearby. We all needed another day or two to catch up on the blog, emails, work, banging, etc. Soon we will be on the road again towards Arcata where we will have more breweries, more big trees, and a nude beach (where we will likely take our nude biker butt photos that we send exclusively to those whodonate us a few dollars). We will take tons of pics and hopefully be able to update again soon. Much love!

 

 If you would like to see all our pictures you can check out our Facebook page at www.Facebook.com/10legswilltravel.

Brown Chick and Brown Cow

Pre-Post: This is pretty much an uncensored version of the events of our bike ride. If you are uncomfortable hearing about sex, drugs, profanity, etc you should check follow our PG-version at www.10LegsWillTravel.wordpress.com . This is a warning. If you don’t want to hear about these adult actions please leave now.

Leaving Sonoma was kind of fucking tough. We found a city with great people that we had an itch to explore… hell, it was even an attractive place for us to live. That decision probably shouldn’t be made after only 12 hours but sometimes you get a gut feeling about a place and a group of people and you just know they are cool. That is how we felt about the group we met in Sonoma. We had to leave though and get moving to Santa Rosa.

The ride itself was pretty uneventful. It was only 23 miles and we were able to take our time. We did pass a really cool dog park and decided to let Higgs play around and burn off some energy. He had a great time, though the people at the dog park were kind of assholes. I can hypothesize all day about this (was it because only wealthy assholes hang out at a dog park in wine country during midday on a Monday… or maybe they all know each other and we were the “outsider”… possibly they are jealous of our sexiness, youth, kick-ass dog, and my big blue seductive eyes that will drop the panties of their daughters… who knows?) but the truth will never be known. Maybe it was just a collective bad day for them all.

Regardless, our schedule was light that day it it felt nice to be able to take a slow ride and stop to see sites as they came. Our only “deadline” at this point is meeting some friends in Fort Bragg on the 14th and the World Naked Bike ride in June, but we have plenty of flexibility and I am finally getting pretty good at having realistic goals for us each day. It can be tough sometimes to slow down, even for me who is kind of a lazy hippy who stops and takes pictures of flowers just because I can. That reminds me, we are on Instagram too (10legswilltravel) if you do that. It is mostly just random shit.

Anyway, we got to Santa Rosa with high spirits. This was a multi-day stop for us because Anna needed to knock out some work, I needed to get some bike repairs done, and Hans needed to get laid…. that third one wasn’t actually on our specific “to do” list for Santa Rosa but is on all of our life “to do” list. We were couchsurfing again and our host was fucking awesome. His home was one of the best places we have seen and was clearly built with a lot of love and dedication to doing things his way. He even allowed us to stay an extra night when my repairs took longer than expected (I needed a new crank for the bike and was able to upgrade to something more in line with what we are doing).

After getting to know our host and drinking much of the first night we crashed pretty early. Our original plan was to go to the Cinco de Mayo festival that the city was hosting but they didn’t allow alcohol. Take a moment and read that sentence again. Cinco de Mayo without alcohol. That is like porn without nipples. Non-alcoholic beer. Back row of a movie theater when you are 17 without an awkward handjob. Sleep without rest. It is a terrible idea and it was no surprise when I found out it was put on by the local government. Only government would do something so ridiculous. So, we skipped it and got boozed up with our host instead and then drunkenly ordered chinese food and devoured it. Our metabolism is so high right now that we get drunk kind of quickly, it is cool.

So, our first night of rest behind us we headed to Russian River Brewery, the top brewery in California according to Thrillist. It was so damn good. The flights with 17 beers was only $16 and I could get a pint of Pliny the Elder for about $5. It is so nice not paying Los Angeles prices for things and this experience really reinforced the Thrillist list as a “must see” guide for our travels. Look out other 47 top rated breweries in the lower 48 states… we are coming for you and your hops. After getting our early day buzz on we went to a sweet vegan spot called Gaia’s Garden and gorged on curry before heading back to our host’s place to get some actual productive things done. Of course we got drunk again with our host also.

We woke up and noticed Hans’ sex hair… so I’m pretty sure she got some lovin’. She says she did but I wasn’t there to witness it personally but I trust her when she says she got some great banging. It had been a few weeks so high-fives were exchanged. It is amazing how a half dozen orgasms or so can really brighten your mood. We love celebrating each other’s orgasms. Well done host, you did her real good.

Most of that next day was spent mostly relaxing. We have found it is nice to take a multi-day break occasionally to give our bodies and minds a rest. It was really nice to have some “normalcy” by watching shitty reality TV, drinking beer, eating Oreos, and napping. The night went much like the previous couple… beer, tv, and bumping uglies. Hans did her thing with the host while Anna and I got some night and morning sex for the first time in a while (mmmm, groggy morning sex), which is a great way to get things going for the next leg of the journey.

On our host’s advice we decided to detour from our route and hit up Lagunitas brewery in Petaluma and then go into Sebastopol to explore and be productive. The ride to Petaluma wasn’t bad but the weather kind of sucked and we had a couple tire issues.

I have really been surprised at how many broken beer bottles there are on the side of the road. What kind of asshole throw’s glass bottles out of a moving vehicle? That may be fun for whatever neanderthal idiot gets entertained by the sound of glass shattering but that shit can kill a cyclist. Not only can having a tire blowout on a road cause an accident, changing a tube on a road can put the cyclist in harms way for an extended amount of time. People are idiots and I sometimes want to punch them in the baby-makers with brass knuckles.

Once we got to Petaluma and the amazing Lagunita’s brewery we were in a happy place again. The beer garden they have set up is probably the best one I have ever been to. It is bike friendly, dog friendly, and has a great selection of fantastic ales for a reasonable price. They had music playing and the atmosphere was just friendly and laid-back. I would have stayed all day if we could, but we did have another host to meet and stay with for the night so we finished our flight, got a new patch from the gift shop (collecting patches from breweries is cool and not a sign of alcoholism, right?), and finished our ride for the day at our host’s beautiful farm home just north of Petaluma.

Post-Post 1: Also, we have set up a GoFundMe account for our ride. If you enjoy the adventure or just want to receive a post card, booty pic, or vegan meal check us out here

Post-Post 2: If you would like to see all our pictures you can check out our Facebook page at www.Facebook.com/10legswilltravel.

Out of the Bay and Into the Wine

Pre-Post: Well, despite my half-ass efforts I have not really maintained this blog in addition to the other two I’m running. I think I will just start posting the same thing here that I post on the blog for our 2-year bike ride, Barely Functional Adults. This was originally posted on May 5. As a reminder,this is pretty much an uncensored version of the events of our bike ride. If you are uncomfortable hearing about sex, drugs, profanity, etc you should check follow our PG-version at www.10LegsWillTravel.wordpress.com . This is a warning. If you don’t want to hear about these adult actions please leave now.

So, I feel like the last post was kind of shitty. I wasn’t really in the mood to write but felt the need for force myself to. I should have known this is a mistake. I love writing, but if I’m not in the mood it is obvious. Sorry for the shitty writing last time… onward to better things.

Leaving San Francisco was bitter-sweet. We were all eager to get on the road again but that city had a great feeling to it. It takes something special to make us feel vanilla but the kinky sexy vibe that seemed to ooze from the city was enough to make us feel “normal”. Basically, we loved it. There is something about the titillation that comes from being in a place that doesn’t hide, fear, or shame sex that makes the spirit feel truly alive. I am sure we will all be back, in fact, it is likely we will all live there at some point, but probably not after our bike ride. It was just too expensive and crowded for our current tastes, after Los Angeles we need something a little smaller to call home.

Anyway, we headed out from San Francisco towards the East Bay (probably not the right phrase, I have no idea what the fuck I’m talking about most of the time). We took a ferry into Oakland, rode through Oakland and Berkeley, and into the hills to the north. Our plan for Friday was to crash with Anna’s cousin and her husband, Katie and Neal. The ride itself had a few hills but the real thing that stuck in our minds was the difference between Oakland and Berkeley. The ride through Oakland felt a little dangerous… the roads poorly maintained, zero bike lanes, and traffic that seemed mostly unregulated. We saw cop cars all over the place and the police presence was strong. Berkeley was only a few blocks away but felt incredibly different with freshly paved roads, dedicated bike routes, slow traffic, and the only people we saw were college students and random touristy pedestrians. It is kind of crazy how the environment in the US can change block to block.

Katie and Neal put us up at their gorgeous house in Orlinda. Even though they were in the process of repainting the house they opened their doors to us. They had some amazing decks… I love a good deck, they are great for BBQing, banging in an exhibitionist way, enjoying a fine cigar, and just relaxing after a long day of work/play. We didn’t bang, BBQ, or have a cigar on their deck but we did get a chance to relax a bit, share a beer, and then go out for some Thai food. I had only met Katie and Neal once before this and it was awesome to spend some more time with them. I really hope we get a chance to hang out more in the future.

We left Orlinda late in the morning to go to my cousin’s house. I had not seen Emily, my cousin, in a long time… with the exception of my grandmother’s funeral it has been almost a decade. Emily and I always had a bit of a rivalry going, we are the two oldest of our clans and I think that lead to some unnecessary, but probably predictable, hostility between us. Luckily, this trip really showed how that negativity towards us was no longer the case. I had a fucking awesome time hanging out with Emily, her husband Joe, and their four kids. I am often pretty negative towards the idea of having kids, and many times it seems people have kids for all the wrong reasons. That isn’t the case with Emily and Joe, they are doing parenting right (in my unhumble opinion). Their kids are all individuals and are encouraged to pursue their own passions. They are taught not to judge and embrace individuality. If I had kids I hope I would be able to raise them as well as Emily and Joe do. It was fucking awesome to share beer, Jager bombs, and some great conversations that hit every subject with them.

Our time with Emily in Hercules eventually ended and we hit the road with a lot of hope for the future and a wicked hangover. Apparently when you try to bike up a hill with 100 lbs in tow after a night of Jager you kind of just want to die, especially when you find yourself being passed by a couple hundred friendly people in bright jerseys who want to greet you with a smile and a conversation. I never knew smiling people in bright yellow could inspire rage and vomit.

The next cities on our list were Sonoma and Santa Rosa. According to Wikipedia there are not any people in Sonoma, just a bunch of grapes and rich people on vacation. Wikipedia is wrong. I was able to find a couchsurfer in Sonoma and she agreed to let us fall asleep in her living room. It turned out to be an amazing city, probably because of the people we met. We got into town around 4pm and met up with our host (Suzanne… or Sue as everyone else called her, I never know what to call people…) at a local Irish bar. In case you are wondering, this is a good sign. Our brief meeting with Sue turned into several hours of drinking beer with a variety of people she knew. There was Sue, Kenneth, Kyle, and the hot vegan couple whose names I can’t remember (I’d tap that). To be honest, I felt really welcome with the group. It was like a bunch of old friends in a sitcom rotating around for comic relief and just enjoying life. We talked about Burning Man, were open about MDMA use, discussed brewing beer, and a whole lot of other things. The conversations just seemed so natural, which is good for three introverts like us.

Sue’s roommates ended up being just as cool. Even though Sue wasn’t around when we arrived but Natalie and Brian (or Bryan??) made us feel right at home. I really wasn’t expecting that from Sonoma, it seemed like a hole-in-the-wall town but it had a lot of love in it. It felt like a potential home but, sadly, we only got one night there. Oh well, now we head out to Santa Rosa for some beers and a couple days of rest.

Post-Post 1: Also, we have set up a GoFundMe account for our ride. If you enjoy the adventure or just want to receive a post card, booty pic, or vegan meal check us out here

Post-Post 2: If you would like to see all our pictures you can check out our Facebook page at www.Facebook.com/10legswilltravel.

Look at Those Leg Titties

Pre-Post: Well, despite my half-ass efforts I have not really maintained this blog in addition to the other two I’m running. I think I will just start posting the same thing here that I post on the blog for our 2-year bike ride, Barely Functional Adults. This was originally posted on May 3. As a reminder,this is pretty much an uncensored version of the events of our bike ride. If you are uncomfortable hearing about sex, drugs, profanity, etc you should check follow our PG-version at www.10LegsWillTravel.wordpress.com . This is a warning. If you don’t want to hear about these adult actions please leave now

Technically we had arrived in San Francisco, but we didn’t have time to explore yet, we had to get back to LA to finish some last minute appointments that we couldn’t do elsewhere. So, we dropped our bikes off at the shop to get some maintenance, rented a car, and retraced redid our bike ride in reverse and fast forward.The drive back and time in LA was rather uneventful, expect we got to crash at one of our friend’s houses for two nights. It was lovely to see them and the more time goes by the more I miss them. It is kind of funny, we didn’t hang out with them much when we lived in the same vicinity but just knowing that it is no longer an option makes me sad. We should have made more time for them in the past, it is rare to know a couple that you can be completely open with. They are awesome.

It was really kind of interesting to retrace our steps via car. Small events and feelings popped back into our heads as we drove. It is such a different experience on a bike instead of on the road. Driving in a car numbs your senses and you live life in only one dimension. You have forward and backwards, no left, right, up, or down, when you are driving. It is just point a to point b. It feels different on bicycle, you feel the option to take different paths and really appreciate how elevation, terrain, and temperature effect your body. You exist with less filters on a bike.

Anyway, we got back to San Francisco from our little side-trip on Wednesday night. Sadly, we only had Wednesday evening and Thursday to explore the city, which is too short of a time but we did our best. Wednesday evening we met up with one of my old college friends, Dagny, for coffee. She was basically my partner in free-market economic crime while in college. We interned together, hung out regularly, sexually harassed each other, and a few of our professors assumed we were dating. We weren’t though, we were just great friends who grew intellectually together but ended up going separate ways. She will probably end up the CEO of some major organization and I’ll just keep being the crazy nomad hippie, but I know we will always be able to get together for a beer and reminisce.

After coffee we went to a bookstore because I needed a new book. One of these days I’ll buy an e-book but until that day I will just keep picking up one new book whenever I finish one. I love going to bookstores, it can really be an insight into the culture of a city. Unsurprisingly, San Francisco had some unique sections and books available. The anarchist in me loved to see a full shelf of anarchist literature, but I have never quite understood the anti-market bias of the city. Much of the creativity and prosperity of the city is due to people’s ability to openly create and trade their labor as they see fit, not as society sees fit. I understand, and share, the anger people have against the corporatist crony assclowns who have basically bought the tyrannical asshat politicians and distort the market to allow a few to profit at the expense of the rest of us, but the answer isn’t eliminating the ability of free people to trade, the answer is to remove government.

Anyway, after the book store we grabbed some food and drinks at an Irish Bar and Curry House. This city is amazing for combining wonderful things like the laundromat/coffee house/bar and the kinky coffee shop that we visited. We never really did hit many touristy sites, instead our time was spent walking the city and kind of soaking in the culture. We did notice that there are a ton of fucking hills though, our legs were burning by the end. The locals who walk or bike must have incredibly powerful calves, thighs, and asses. I bet many San Franiscans are incredible lays with all the muscles needed for thrusting getting a daily workout.

Overall walking was a great way to see the city. We wandered through The Castro, the Golden Gate Park, and everything in between. We saw 710 Ashbury, ate at some food trucks, and chilled in a couple parks. We didn’t really hit any touristy things… not really our style but it was a wonderful time. We all agreed that living in San Francisco at some point would be awesome, but it is unlikely that will be our next base. It is a little too big and way too expensive for us at this point in our lives.

Friday morning came around and it was time to start the next leg of the journey. We packed up our bikes and hit the road. The next two days we are staying with cousins (Anna’s on Friday and mine on Saturday), and after that we drift towards Santa Rosa.

Post-Post 1: Also, we have set up a GoFundMe account for our ride. If you enjoy the adventure or just want to receive a post card, booty pic, or vegan meal check us out here

Post-Post 2: If you would like to see all our pictures you can check out our Facebook page at www.Facebook.com/10legswilltravel